Funny pizza roll quotes

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Naming my first daughter Piggleigh Wiggleigh.

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I saved a ton of money on a security system by stealing my neighbor’s.

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Every man’s biggest fear is trying a new barber.

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I would like even faster food.

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Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.

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Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

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Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

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Worst thing about cutting off all your hair is you go to work and everyone treats you like Today’s Special Boy.

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Spending 5 minutes looking up every word I want to use in a sentence to make sure I can define it in case they ask.

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Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.