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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

You are not in a situationship. You are texting a man who doesn’t like you.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

I never judge a book by its cover. People, though, I can tell are evil by their stupid faces.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Santa keeps a pair of mounted antlers over his fireplace to keep the reindeer from unionizing.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Whenever I’m willing to sell my soul, there’s usually food involved.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

I should have been a Librarian, my favorite thing to do is telling people to shut up.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

The guy that said laughter is the best medicine obviously wasn’t suffering from diarrhea.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

If you don’t want to be in love with me that’s fine. You’re entitled to your wrong and very stupid opinions.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

771 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,933

Funny Quotes Topics

13,906

Funny Quotes Images

10,933

Updated

14 minutes ago

Users Online

3,446

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

When pregnant women are around, watch what you say. Nowadays, anything will be used as a name.

Just landed via WeChat:

One thing about me is I don’t even need to get drunk to act a fool.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

Making waves on Telegram:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

If a woman watches a TV show alone, who answers all of her questions?

Reported on Facebook:

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Trending via Discord:

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

Just landed via Messenger:

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

Making waves on Telegram:

We got our carpet cleaned today, so I’m just waiting for the dog to throw up.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

771 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,933

Funny Quotes Topics

13,906

Funny Quotes Images

10,933

Updated

14 minutes ago

Users Online

3,433

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

At the plastic surgeon: Please, Doc, help me. My Barbie doll has appendicitis.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am at work.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

The ways printers are like kids: Need feeding, are noisy and can’t function when offline.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

I will marry a man who treats me delicately as if I’m a gift straight from heaven.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

There’s not gonna be a civil war. None of us can afford to take that much time off work.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

The name Ella is short for Mozzarella.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

Reported on Twitch:

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Went to the toilet today without my cell phone. There are 245 tiles.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I can’t wait to hit my 80s & run for Congress.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

Making waves on Reddit:

You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Guy inventing jogging: how can I suffer, but with music?

Breaking via TikTok:

I modeled my morning routine on the humble rooster. Wake up, scream, wander around.

Breaking via Snapchat:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.

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