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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Handyman to customer: If I had wanted you to watch me work, I would have become an actor.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

At the end of the day, it’s just me and me.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

I said when I retire, I would travel. I just didn’t expect it to be to the doctors.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Channeling my inner pretzel to achieve expert-level bad posture.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,501

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Time machine? You mean a clock?

Trending via TikTok:

If I had The Force, I’d just use it to open pistachios.

Shared recently on Slack:

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

Seen just now on Threads:

My favorite condiment is Worcestershire sauce. Why? It’s hard to say.

Shared recently on Threads:

I can’t wait to buy Chanel bags on a random Tuesday for me and my friends.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

Spotted on Instagram:

Don’t ruin a good sundress by wearing panties.

Going viral on Telegram:

Muting morons is good for your health.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.

Funny produce quotes

Funny produce quotes 🍎🥦 are the perfect way to add a splash of humor to your day! Whether you’re a fruit fanatic 🍉 or a veggie lover 🥕, these witty lines will make you smile while celebrating nature’s freshest goodies. Get ready to peel, slice, and laugh your way through some juicy jokes and pun-tastic moments that’ll brighten any kitchen or grocery run! 🛒😂

New funny produce quotes 👇

All funny produce quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Aliens are gonna be super confused when they show up threatening to overthrow our leaders and we’re all stoked and offer to help.

10 shares on X this month:

I love when I see a really beautiful car, and I look inside, and it’s a beautiful woman. That’s fire.

67 shares on Threads this month:

I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise we’d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

84 shares on Reddit this month:

You don’t have to check your Spotify Wrapped, you are the most played this year.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Better to be an overthinker than an overdrinker.

20 shares on Reddit this month:

“I’m at a point in my life where I don’t go anywhere unless I absolutely have to.”

28 shares on X this month:

I will never sell out my integrity unless I am offered something for it.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”

88 shares on X this month:

Since there are no other Vulcans on the enterprise and the crew has no comparison, Spock could be and probably is bullshitting them most of the time.

72 shares on Instagram this month:

There I was, quietly reliving my dream of having my own house, when suddenly I was attacked by insane prices.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to be a nerd, but a well-placed semicolon is hot as hell.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone loves a little silent treatment on the weekend.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I haven’t been with anyone in 3 years. I feel sorry for my next boyfriend. He might not make it through the day.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe aliens don’t visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,681

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Cake hits so much harder off a plastic fork.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

If anyone wants a more cost effective energy provider, I can supply endless energy on tap from my absolutely not tired child at bedtime.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but I just walked upstairs and remembered why.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

I put the dance in “Good riddance!”

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

In the coffee shop, booing everyone who orders decaf.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Whoever came up with the spelling for “receipt” was an idiopt.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

I have a mental illness that makes me think that people will change their minds if I present the correct arguments with the appropriate facts and data.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.

Seen just now on YouTube:

My soul leaving my body when the lecturer says “let’s hear from someone who hasn’t spoken yet”

Seen just now on X:

Millionaires and multi-billion dollar companies be like, “We’re doing our part by asking the poor to donate to the poor.”

Making waves on Slack:

Women are actually very understanding if you’re honest with them, especially if they like you. You don’t even have to do all that lying.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Your pronouns should be get/help.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

The new American dream is an alien invasion.

Just shared via Discord:

There’s nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven’t read.

Trending via Reddit:

I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

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