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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Everything is awful, and no one is going to save you from this treacherous world. Oops, I mean, happy Friday!

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

I have feelings for you but you have to guess which ones.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Jesus died for your sins. If you don’t sin then he died for nothing!

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Babies will literally step on your face just to grab what they want.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Babe, you’re not acting according to my delusions right now.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Having a cat is like having a roommate that doesn’t want to hang out and never intends on being friends.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,760

Funny Quotes Topics

17,769

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15,760

Updated

Mar 1, 2026

Users Online

3,476

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

Breaking via Discord:

The bad news is I forgot to wear my spaghetti-eating shirt. The good news is I have a new spaghetti-eating shirt.

Spotted on Instagram:

I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

Shared recently on Discord:

Staying up all night so I don’t miss any good posts.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Me at a nightclub: Where are the chairs?

33 Funny self-confidence quotes

More funny self-confidence quotes 👇

A girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

1 month ago

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One of the worst ways to waste your youth is by being insecure.

1 month ago

being, growth, insecure, insecurity, personal, personal growth, self-confidence, time, waste, wasting, wasting time, ways, worst, youth
Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.

1 month ago

anytime, body, body image, chin, comment, comments, humor, i, ignore, image, joke, keep, self-confidence, someone, try, weight

For even more funny self-confidence quotes, hit next 👇

All funny self-confidence quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Twitch this month:

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

77 shares on X this month:

Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.

25 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

93 shares on Messenger this month:

Isn’t it weird we have a little voice in our head, like the one you’re using to read this?

41 shares on Snapchat this month:

The day after Christmas is a dangerous morning to be a microwave.

59 shares on YouTube this month:

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

90 shares on LinkedIn this month:

UNO is based on luck unless I win, then it’s based on strategy, and I’m a genius.

55 shares on TikTok this month:

My favorite type of gender reveal is the one where they just tell me and I don’t have to go to a party to find out.

50 shares on Telegram this month:

The female rage of having so much to say but refusing to say it, cause their emotional intelligence is too low for them to comprehend it.

10 shares on Discord this month:

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

The voodoo magic of a tranquil night’s sleep

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Conflicts may arise but always remember to be the bitter person.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

They should invent a day where you aren’t tired.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Thank you all for attending my final rose ceremony. There will be no roses.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

My dad’s handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

The walk of shame, except it’s me at a bowling alley walking back to sit down after I knock down zero pins with bumpers.

Breaking via Discord:

My bank account may not be full but my sink, laundry basket and arteries sure are.

Just shared via Slack:

I think we just need to accept that the 90’s was our peak as a species.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Ordering 600 pizzas from Washington, D.C., to rug pull on Polymarket.

Going viral on Reddit:

Everybody loves that comfort food until you end up with that comfort body.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!

Broadcasted on WeChat:

When you tickle a man to death by accident, it is manslaughter.

Live now on YouTube:

“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

Broadcasted on Slack:

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

Going viral on Facebook:

At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

33 Funny self-confidence quotes

More funny self-confidence quotes 👇

A girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

One of the worst ways to waste your youth is by being insecure.

Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.

All funny self-confidence quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨