Commentary:
"Setting your alarm to applause for waking up at 7am is a brilliant idea – after all, it's basically a standing ovation for adulting before most people even hit snooze for the first time!"
75 Funny self-esteem quotes
When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'I'm open to feedback' dance – where compliments waltz in and critiques get the cold shoulder. It's like saying you're open to new Netflix recommendations when all you really want is someone to tell you how great your taste in shows is. Keep those compliments coming, feedback can wait in the green room!"
I’m actually pretty attractive, if you don’t compare me to anyone, ever.
Commentary:
"Well, comparing yourself to others is like comparing apples to oranges – both are fruit, but they're totally different! So, embrace your uniqueness and let your inner beauty shine without worrying about being compared to anyone else… unless you're being compared to a potato, then maybe worry a little."
I’m doing well at accomplishing nothing today and I’m very proud of myself.
Commentary:
"Congratulations on mastering the art of productive procrastination! Remember, sometimes achieving nothing is an accomplishment in itself. Keep up the good work!"
Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.
Commentary:
"Ah, the dollar store dilemma – feeling like a baller with a dollar but also a pauper with a purse full of singles. 💰😅 Who knew that so much financial rollercoaster could be packed within those aisles of surprises!"
I still get so surprised every time someone I find attractive finds me attractive. Like, are you sure?
Commentary:
"Me when someone cute shows interest: Wait, really? Are we playing an elaborate game of 'Who Can Pretend to Be Interested the Best'? 🤔🤷♀️ #StillShook"
Don’t forget to overestimate your importance today.
Commentary:
"Step aside, world! It's time for some serious overestimation of my importance today 💁♂️👑. Who needs humility when you've got confidence in abundance? Fly high, believe in your fabulousness, and remember, the universe revolves around YOU today! 🌎💫 #FeelingExtraSpecial #EgoOnFleek"
If you compliment me, my glasses fog up.
Commentary:
"Looks like your compliments are causing a climate change in my eyewear! 🌬️👓 Don't stop, I'm just trying to keep it cool and clear here 😎 #FoggyFlattery"
Don’t compare yourself with others. Everyone is better than you.
Commentary:
"Remember, comparing yourself to others is a surefire way to feel inadequate. Embrace your unique awesomeness and shine bright like the star you are! 🌟💁♂️ #JustBeYou"
Ninety percent of my new follows are beautiful women, which tells me one thing: I’ve still got it!
Commentary:
"Looks like your DMs are going to be 90% more interesting now! 😉🔥 Keep slaying, influencer extraordinaire! 💁♂️💃 #StillGotIt"