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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Snow White and the seven dwarves of the menopause; Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful, and Psycho.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Forget mini pizzas. I want one so big it needs a forklift to rotate it.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

My sweatpants sat me down and said they want me to get an office job again.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Whoever is dating my ex, all I can say is: cheat first!

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Some people find it strange when you talk to your pet. I find conversations with some people much stranger.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my horniest.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,676

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Feeling lonely? Just glue a coffee cup to the roof of your car. Everyone will wave to you.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

Breaking via Instagram:

Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

Making waves on X:

Saturday nights are for watching zombie shows and dreaming about the apocalypse.

Just shared via Threads:

Why would I spend money on the zoo when I can watch my colleagues for free?

Breaking via Slack:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, tomorrow is Christmas.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Instead of likes, we should get a little kiss.

Funny social mishap quotes

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Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on TikTok this month:

I didn’t go to the Carribean, my tan is from standing in front of the rotisserie chicken at Costco.

93 shares on Discord this month:

To steal from one is plagiarism, to steal from many is research.

96 shares on LinkedIn this month:

They were called “TV programs” because they were literally programming us, bro.

23 shares on Reddit this month:

(Making small talk with a couple) So have you guys ever cheated on each other?

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

I miss the good ol’ days until I remember things like having to get out of my chair and smack the TV to get a clearer picture.

13 shares on Snapchat this month:

Nobody says “boom shakalaka” like they used to.

48 shares on Discord this month:

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

77 shares on Messenger this month:

Thought I was a minimalist, turns out I’m just broke.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

Everyone becomes a robo-dancer when the motion sensor faucet isn’t working.

30 shares on X this month:

It would be nice to see basic human decency make a comeback.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I lost my appetite for doing work. If you find it, you can keep it.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

An evil genius rising to a position of power is bad but it makes sense at least. Feels insulting we’re constantly seeing evil idiots doing it instead.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time we try to eat healthy, along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday, and ruins it for us.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The toughest part of being a vegan is keeping it to yourself.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You are my favorite dirty thought.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Hello! I’m Britain’s greatest spy and my catchphrase is: I tell you my real surname, then my real forename, then my real surname again, in case you missed it.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

There are rumors that someone came down the chimney last night. This is preposterous. I would have lost my mind.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

This year I’d like an advent calendar with 24 different tranquilizers.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m writing a book on the joys of drinking beer. So far I’ve been through a lot of drafts.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,279

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Contrary to what we currently believe, we don’t choose afternoon naps. Afternoon naps choose us.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

I see WWIII is about to kick off again. I’d best cancel the milk and get the cat in.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

If you’re just talking nonsense all the time and not thinking about what you’re doing, you’re either in love or at the office.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Imagine being hungry and some guy tries to teach you to fish.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

People have ex girlfriends, I have ex crushes.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

I say things I don’t mean on spicy chicken.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Handyman to customer: If I had wanted you to watch me work, I would have become an actor.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’ve saved every episode of Hoarders.

Making waves on Reddit:

Love is like a bird. Sometimes flying around me but then moving on.

Going bananas on Messenger:

There are days when trying to control your class is like trying to hug a tornado.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

Trending via X:

Imagining how cathartic it must feel to send forth thousands and thousands of bats from your Transylvanian manor.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

Shared recently on X:

Video games are great. They let you try out your craziest fantasies. For example, on The Sims, you can have a job and a house.

Spotted on X:

Might quit my job to focus on actually putting away my laundry.

Shared recently on Slack:

After nearly 40 years, I finally came to understand why some men slip away into a quiet, private life, far from the masses.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Peak delusion is believing that a paragraph will make someone treat you better.

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