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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Hey (with the intention of going to sleep).

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

I grew up in a poor family. We didn’t have much, but we had each other. And that was the worst part.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

The hairdresser asking me what special plans I have for the day like this wasn’t it.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Shoutout to the friends that still like me. All two of you.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2326 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,488

Funny Quotes Topics

15,192

Funny Quotes Images

12,488

Updated

54 minutes ago

Users Online

3,455

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Trending via Threads:

When I’m in a good mood, I go to my blocked list and release one or two prisoners.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

The older I get, the more I walk like Charlie Chaplin.

Just shared via Twitch:

Be careful when you follow the masses sometimes the M is silent.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

Going viral on Twitch:

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

Shared recently on Threads:

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

Just landed via Instagram:

I’m not lazy, I’m waiting for inspiration to hit me… should be here any time now.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2326 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,488

Funny Quotes Topics

15,192

Funny Quotes Images

12,488

Updated

54 minutes ago

Users Online

3,452

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Ugh, but profoundly.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

If I had The Force, I’d just use it to open pistachios.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

In honor of Charles Dickens, I will also be poor this Christmas.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

My sister: snowboards. My brother: skateboards. Me: charcuterie boards.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Gonna get my eye looked at today. Usually it’s the other way around.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

If I ever go missing, please print my picture on wine bottles and not on milk boxes. My friends are more likely to find me then.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

I know which nation I like best. Hibernation.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

We’ve got a shituation here.

Making waves on Facebook:

Dating is so overrated. Let’s just get married.

Spotted on Facebook:

Relationship status: We have changed from “I love you” to “I love YouTube”.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I’m glad it’s not snowing. I can’t imagine shoveling snow in this heat.

Breaking via TikTok:

What is the name of the course in medical school where you learn not to take your patients seriously?

Reported on Discord:

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

Live now on Slack:

The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.

Seen just now on X:

One of my greatest strengths is appearing busy so people don’t try to speak to me.

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