Funny wild weekend quotes

36 shares on TikTok this month:

Bold of me to constantly use the phrase “no worries!” when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.

53 shares on Pinterest this month:

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

29 shares on Telegram this month:

Technically, the Friday after July 4 isn’t a holiday. But I think we all know that Americans have a constitutional right to take the fifth.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

Unfortunately, I am the first person in my family to do what they want.

38 shares on Pinterest this month:

When a lady compliments your facial hair, have the goddamn decency to compliment hers.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want.

28 shares on YouTube this month:

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

33 shares on WeChat this month:

Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

Everyone has these three colleagues: The one who is always cold. The one who is always hungry. The one who is always tired. I am everything in one.

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.