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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

No one my age is single because they’re all unhappily married.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

The best proof that fairy tales are fictional is the fact that the prince is always an intelligent and handsome single man.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,760

Funny Quotes Topics

17,769

Funny Quotes Images

15,760

Updated

Mar 1, 2026

Users Online

3,377

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Twitch:

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

Just landed via Messenger:

Letting the sun have its way with my freckles today.

Shared recently on Threads:

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

Going viral on Threads:

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

Seen just now on WeChat:

Giant-sized bag of candy: I’m resealable. Me: That won’t be necessary.

Spotted on YouTube:

Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

Trending via Snapchat:

My guardian angel is probably preoccupied with sports betting apps and generative AI, that’s why she’s letting all these bad things happen to me.

Live now on Slack:

My doubters will become my grouters when I remodel the bathroom of success.

Making waves on Discord:

When someone asks me if my twins are natural, I tell them no they’re robots.

Funny xenomorph quotes

New funny xenomorph quotes 👇

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

4 weeks ago

alien, call, culture, humor, humorist, i, joke, movie, movie joke, parody, pop, pop culture, sci-fi, term, xenomorph

All funny xenomorph quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Twitch this month:

Whoever told you there’s no such thing as a stupid question lied.

50 shares on Facebook this month:

Starting a new show sucks. Who are these people?

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

Tailgating me while I’m going 90 in a 45 is crazy. And those red and blue lights on top of your car look stupid, btw, lol.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I started at the bottom, and it’s been downhill ever since.

87 shares on X this month:

I nearly broke my toe because the coffee table didn’t look where it was going.

28 shares on Slack this month:

Why do you assume it’s invalid to “make stuff up” during an argument? It shows initiative and creativity.

21 shares on Threads this month:

Half the world is mentally ill. The other half is to blame.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

I will sit in the rain about this.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

I stopped experimenting in bed after the great honey disaster of 2015.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Females be cheating in healthy relationships, but are faithful in toxic ones.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Tornados are just a bunch of ghosts fighting over a cow.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

If I ever win the lottery and decide to invest in a billboard company, I won’t tell anyone; but there will be signs.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Airport beer at 6 a.m.? No problem. The airport is a lawless place that is free from judgment.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Not to brag, but I don’t fight with people on the internet.

Just shared via YouTube:

My cat runs a secret cult. I just pay the rent.

Making waves on Discord:

It’s crazy how genuinely entertaining it is to stare into an open fire. That’s some real epigenetic memory shit.

Just shared via Telegram:

Don’t ever let your computer feel that you’re in a hurry, cause they’re gonna slow down more.

Going viral on Reddit:

Men can stay up til 2 a.m., wake up at 6, be in debt, broke, alone, and still have faith that one day, everything will work out. It’s called being a man.

Just shared via WeChat:

My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

Shared recently on Slack:

No, he didn’t ghost you, you just left him speechless, forever.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m an over-explainer (I explain things too much).

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny xenomorph quotes

New funny xenomorph quotes 👇

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

All funny xenomorph quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨