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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Ever since I was little, I knew I wanted people to watch how they speak to me.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

They should invent friends whose schedules line up with yours.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

When people say I don’t mean to brag, they’re bragging about not bragging.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Ain’t no way there’s billions of us and nobody got superpowers.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Roses are red, tacos are delicious. I use paper plates, ’cause I hate doing dishes.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Having a car is crazy cause you gotta take it to the car doctor.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,303

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

As everyone was arguing about politics, no one saw me leave with the cake.

Trending via Threads:

I’ve been asked to join a swingers club, but I’m a little nervous. What if I’m not good enough? I haven’t been on a swing since I was 9.

Just landed via Slack:

If you wear enough cardigans, people will assume you’re smart and you can stop reading entirely.

Trending via TikTok:

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

Spotted on Reddit:

Have a good weekend, unless you have other plans.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Manipulative birthday text to an ex idea: thank you for loving me briefly in the way that only you could.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

People in NYC are like, let me know if you’re ever in NYC.

Just landed via Reddit:

I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

Seen just now on Reddit:

When someone says “I expected more of you”, I’m always like “well who’s fault is that?”

Going viral on Slack:

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Finally, peace and quiet! Now to enjoy my 'lottery winnings' by not sharing the remote. 🎉📺 #LivingTheDream"

alone, alone time, freedom, fun, getting, house, lottery, night, relaxation, solitude, time, winning, yourself

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

At the end of the day, it’s the friend that doesn’t take your ghosting phases personally.

0

2 months ago

day, end, friend, ghosting, humor, personal, phases, relationship, take
I’ll be like “it is what it is” and almost vomit from anxiety.

0

2 months ago

almost, anxiety, humor, it is what it is, panic, relatable, stress, vomit
At a job interview: think of me as the rightful heir to the throne.

0

3 months ago

confidence, heir, humor, interview, job, job interview, me, think, throne
Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

0

6 months ago

anxiety, big, boundary, causing, coming, cortisol, home, house, humor, mood, stress, wellness
If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

0

2 months ago

attempt, failure, humor, irony, joke, murder, only, success
Good morning, townsfolk. I’m here to slay the monsters.

0

3 months ago

good, here, monster, monsters, morning, slay, townsfolk

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Messenger this month:

Threatening my wife with a tariff every time she makes fun of me.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

93 shares on Reddit this month:

I used to have a great future in my past.

68 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

Bought a house plant so I wouldn’t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

100 shares on YouTube this month:

I think God was high when he made me.

61 shares on Slack this month:

It’s true that I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name, but for my return trip, I rented a camel named Carl.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Perks of dating me: you will be the hot one.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

After being raised on Disney movies, I’m very disappointed how few adult problems can be solved by a good song and dance.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Has anyone lived long enough to buy a second bottle of Worcestershire sauce?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

You tell people you’re not trying to drink and they act like you just turned down 100k.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

An alcoholic morning show host becoming Secretary of War is some Kurt Vonnegut shit.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

The lion does not concern himself with the few small drops of pee that got on his boxers at the urinal even after he did a few shakes to be sure.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Killing with kindness is a murder by compliments.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

The inventor of autocorrect walked into a bar and ordered a bear.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Babe, is everything OK? You’ve barely accomplished anything at all in your entire life.

Just shared via Discord:

It’s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.

Trending via Instagram:

Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

Broadcasted on Threads:

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

Just shared via Pinterest:

The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

Seen just now on Instagram:

He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

Making waves on X:

I can cope well with most situations. Hearing someone smack is not one of them.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Mixed signals mean they don’t like you like that. It’s that simple.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

At the end of the day, it’s the friend that doesn’t take your ghosting phases personally.

I’ll be like “it is what it is” and almost vomit from anxiety.

At a job interview: think of me as the rightful heir to the throne.

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

Good morning, townsfolk. I’m here to slay the monsters.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨