Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Long sandwiches should have suitcase handles.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing, because that’s the soundtrack to the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Why would a needle be in a haystack, anyway?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

“Don’t judge a book by its cover” is a beautiful, powerful sentiment that I fully ignore when book shopping.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Asking the pharmacy if they have a secret menu.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

A woman’s sigh can speak a 1000 words.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,518

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

Every app is a dating app if you are creepy enough.

Going bananas on Telegram:

This is my phone. I text back when I want to.

Trending via Pinterest:

My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

Shared recently on Threads:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Spotted on Threads:

It’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.

Trending via Slack:

Basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up, and also really bad at going to sleep.

Spotted on YouTube:

Being a woman is trying to guess what the hell is going on with your body three times a week.

Spotted on X:

My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

Spotted on Discord:

You’re so productive for your wage.

Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Finally, peace and quiet! Now to enjoy my 'lottery winnings' by not sharing the remote. 🎉📺 #LivingTheDream"

alone, alone time, freedom, fun, getting, house, lottery, night, relaxation, solitude, time, winning, yourself

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

0

2 months ago

children, cold, example, giving, humor, kids, me, parenting
It’s so embarrassing when you make a silly face at a baby, and they do not care at all.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, baby, care, embarrassing, embarrassment, face, humor, moment, reaction, silly, silly face
Therapy? I have Spotify.

0

2 months ago

health, humor, i, joke, mental, mental health, music, relaxation, Spotify, therapy
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer.

0

2 months ago

beer, hear, hold, humor, i, judgment, know, much, needs, online, people, perception, pressure, self-judgment, world, yourself
We went on a family vacation and it was a terrible experience. It was all whining, complaining, and tantrums. And don’t get me started on what my kids did.

0

2 months ago

complaining, experience, family, family vacation, kids, me, tantrum, terrible, terrible experience, vacation, whining
I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

0

2 months ago

alien, aliens, aspiration, basketball, chance, chances, competition, good, hope, humor, i, making, NBA, scenario, slim, sports, weird, weird scenario

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Telegram this month:

You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you’re full of energy and you can’t wait to get to work? Me neither!

24 shares on YouTube this month:

A murder on the dance floor would explain the panic! at the disco.

42 shares on Reddit this month:

Accordion to current studies, 90% of you did not realize that this sentence started with a musical instrument.

29 shares on Instagram this month:

Everyone you don’t like in your personal and professional life is a narcissist.

40 shares on TikTok this month:

Are you stupid, sand? You could just lay here forever on this beautiful beach, but no, you have to try with all you’ve got, to get into my shoes.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

The zero likes won’t stop me from posting. I will talk to myself if I have to.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

Travelling through the US by car is beautiful because you feel like a blood cell in a very sick man’s body.

56 shares on WeChat this month:

Lazy Rule: Can’t reach it, don’t need it.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

A middle finger hits different when your nails are done.

94 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m sorry for setting the impossible standards that the rest of you try to live up to.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.”

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

The horror of being warned that the person you’re about to meet is “fine once you get to know them”.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Normalize mouthing the lyrics to the song in your headphones in public.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Who you are when someone reaches over to take food from your plate… is the real you.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Today is the Mondayest Thursday that has ever been mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

4 sneezes in a row is clout chasing. Wrap it up!

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via X:

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

Just shared via Slack:

You should be able to call in sad to work.

Trending via WeChat:

I don’t have bad handwriting, I’m just using my own font.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch.

Just landed via Twitch:

You’re so cultured I’mma start calling you Yogurt.

Shared recently on Threads:

Part of fatherhood is becoming an expert in some obscure topic and teaching it to your children who stopped listening 30 minutes ago.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

Going viral on Snapchat:

It triggers the little girl in me when I feel like I’m not being listened to when I’m talking.

Just shared via TikTok:

I’m sorry I roasted you, I was trying to flirt.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

It’s so embarrassing when you make a silly face at a baby, and they do not care at all.

Therapy? I have Spotify.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer.

We went on a family vacation and it was a terrible experience. It was all whining, complaining, and tantrums. And don’t get me started on what my kids did.

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨