Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I was going to do some yoga today, but had a donut instead.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

I just start doing the Macarena when I want to end conversations now.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

I taped a picture of my paycheck on my front door to keep all the solicitors away.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

It’s Monday again and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

This Monday has Monday written all over it.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

People keep wishing January was over like the worst month of the year isn’t coming up next. Thats like wishing someone would stop arguing with you and just punch you in the face.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,349

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

Being an adult means your pain never goes away, it just migrates to a new location in your body.

Going viral on Twitch:

Who is this Rorschach guy and where did he get all the pictures of my parents fighting?

Shared recently on Messenger:

Bugs have so many legs to make up for their lack of personality.

Just landed via Instagram:

Might lay here until someone draws my chalk outline.

Going viral on Threads:

Imagine if all the money spent on AI was spent on trains.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

Making waves on Discord:

If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

Making waves on Reddit:

People who don’t have Twitter are trying to show you stuff you laughed at a month ago.

Going viral on Telegram:

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

Breaking via YouTube:

I hope the coffee hits harder than reality does.

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

2 days ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about letting go of worries with a humorous, carefree vibe.

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Commentary:
Just joined the "zero cares" club, where every day's a holiday and the dress code is PJs! 😂🎉🛋️

anything, apathy, attitude, care, decision, good, humor, i, indifference, just, news, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

At the club asking for Ibuprofen.

2 months ago

asking, club, headache, humor, ibuprofen, night, night out, pain, pain relief, party, relief
Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

2 months ago

best, comedy, doctor, give, horse, humor, impression, just, ketamine, me, medical, still
I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

13 hours ago

ancestry, family, flaw, genetics, humor, i, inheritance, line, people, quirk, something, wrong
There’s nothing that I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

2 months ago

attempt, failure, hate, humor, i, nap, nothing, rest, sleep
Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.

2 months ago

1900s, accidentally, calorie, calorie deficit, deficit, diet, everyone, food, humor, i, knows, loss, mistake, old fashioned, old-fashioned phrase, phrase, said, weight, weight loss
Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

2 months ago

apparently, baby, eat, family, humor, laziness, lot, me, means, nephew, new, personality, resemblance, sleep, wants

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Threads this month:

Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

92 shares on X this month:

I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid.

61 shares on Twitch this month:

I’d rather lose you than the argument.

22 shares on Messenger this month:

Maybe in another universe, I punched him in the face instead of staying quiet.

89 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve never used a semicolon with 100% confidence.

55 shares on Discord this month:

Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

20 shares on Telegram this month:

The sun really clocks out for the day before I do. That’s insane.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

I usually don’t flirt, so if I flirt with you, please cooperate.

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

Gwyneth Paltrow, I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan.

87 shares on YouTube this month:

Stop blaming everyone for all your problems. Pick one person you hate and blame them for everything.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Welcome to adulthood: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Offering people sitting on the bus my standing room. Like it’s better.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

I waste a lot of time putting my phone down to just pick it back up again.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Italians, look away now. I break my spaghetti in half before I cook it.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

When I was a kid, I never expected the future to suck this much.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40s: you get tired from sleeping now.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

My favorite yoga pose is reaching for the remote control on the far end of the table without falling off the couch.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

No, babe, I love your prefrontal cortex. The fully developed ones scare me.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

It’s Monday, but at what cost?

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.

Making waves on WeChat:

Sticking googly eyes on a potato and introducing him to everyone as my new boyfriend.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I love when my husband says, “correct me if I’m wrong,” like I would pass up that opportunity.

Broadcasted on Threads:

l identify as a Christmas tree. Lit on the outside, dead on the inside.

Spotted on X:

Call me constipated the way I don’t give a shit.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

Spotted on TikTok:

He thinks I’m so smart because I read books. Baby, they is FAWKING in these books.

Live now on Twitch:

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Tip on how best to start a conversation with me: Not at all.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

Keep the laugh going 😂

At the club asking for Ibuprofen.

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

There’s nothing that I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.

Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨