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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing beside you right now and you’d have no idea.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: “Act normal, you are innocent.”

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

“The average CEO reads 52 books a year.” Yeah, because they’ve got nothing else to do.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

In your 20s, you’ll meet a short man. It’s very important you jump over him.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

All strapless bras need to be taken off the shelves. A total recall. We do not have the technology yet.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Check yourself before you Shrek yourself.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

The females who don’t go through phones will definitely find out through dreams.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Coffee doesn’t solve all my problems. But it definitely stops me from constantly creating new ones.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,541

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

I want a man to love me so bad his entire family thinks I did witchcraft on him.

Seen just now on Facebook:

My lips could use some attention today.

Trending via Twitch:

Professor, set the time machine for right now. I’m trying to be more present.

Live now on YouTube:

Can I come over and figure you out?

Trending via Messenger:

It’s so hot here, I’m breaking a sweat just bitching and moaning about it.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

An internship is only unpaid if you don’t steal enough.

Just shared via Discord:

It’s Monday again and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.

Just shared via Telegram:

You can’t convince me that 2020 didn’t open a portal to hell that we’re still living in.

Seen just now on Threads:

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

Just shared via Messenger:

I avoid those club cameras like my life depends on it.

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about letting go of worries with a humorous, carefree vibe.

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Commentary:
Just joined the "zero cares" club, where every day's a holiday and the dress code is PJs! 😂🎉🛋️

anything, apathy, attitude, care, decision, good, humor, i, indifference, just, news, sarcasm

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91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

America was more fun when organized crime was done by Italians in Chicago.

28 shares on Twitch this month:

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

85 shares on Reddit this month:

Hello! I’m Britain’s greatest spy and my catchphrase is: I tell you my real surname, then my real forename, then my real surname again, in case you missed it.

16 shares on Telegram this month:

You should introduce your upper lip to your bottom lip sometime and shut up.

58 shares on Threads this month:

I need someone to look at me the way I look at memes.

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

Spent most of the day making sure the couch still works. So far so good.

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Yes, we absolutely can push our meeting to sometime after the new year, or mid-March, or the year after next, or never.

84 shares on Slack this month:

Hi there, I very much look forward to letting you down.

53 shares on Pinterest this month:

If alcohol was the one that was banned instead of weed, then a lot of people would have had memories of hungry, stoned fathers instead of angry, drunk ones.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

If you have any questions or concerns please don’t. Hesitate to ask.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

“What’s wrong with you?” Right now or in general?

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next thing you know, you’re staring out of a window for no reason.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

I be having full arguments in my head, then walk around mad like someone actually said something to me.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

I miss when my biggest problem was whether my Happy Meal toy matched the one from the commercial.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

The length of a LinkedIn Post is directly proportional to the amount of bullshit in it.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Self-care is smoking a solo blunt with music.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The worst part about being in your 40s is the 10 years of listening to people say, “Wait till you’re 50.”

Going bananas on Pinterest:

My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

They’re releasing another “Jurassic” movie. Let me guess: The dinosaurs get loose.

Just shared via X:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

Seen just now on Facebook:

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

Seen just now on Discord:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I forgot to sweep up some crumbs earlier, and I just heard an ant moaning in pleasure as he discovered the bounty.

Spotted on Snapchat:

The gothic urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a terrifying backstory.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

My two moods are eating a breakfast sandwich or wishing I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

Sorry, I had to cancel plans. The prophecy said so.

I’m naturally funny cause my whole life is a joke.

Taking a walk: The most effective debugging tool.

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

I’ll rewind a movie, get on my phone, and miss the same part.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My two moods are eating a breakfast sandwich or wishing I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

Sorry, I had to cancel plans. The prophecy said so.

I’m naturally funny cause my whole life is a joke.

Taking a walk: The most effective debugging tool.

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

I’ll rewind a movie, get on my phone, and miss the same part.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨