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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Being single is better than asking a man to act like a man.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Unlike men, women would immediately admit their mistakes if they had any.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Some people stay in the past because that’s where they peaked.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

No one has ever believed in me more than this waitress, who brought me buffalo wings and a single wet nap.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

WW3: I can’t fire my weapon unless I first watch a 15-second unskippable ad for Raid Shadow Legends.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Nothing is impossible, except for my daughter returning home with the hat and gloves she wore to school this morning.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Tariff this, tariff that. When is somebody gonna tariff my clothes and kiss me?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

I should’ve gotten my affairs in order before I decided to bite into this hot pepper.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,269

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

I think when girls start liking pink again, it means they’re healing.

Live now on Slack:

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

After 25, you’re pretty much 30.

Have to connect the printer to my new laptop, and my goal is to cry no more than three times.

4 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like a two-tissue job with a side of tech tears 😂🖨️💻

connect, connection, cry, crying, frustration, goal, humor, laptop, new, printer, technology, three, times

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Kinda sucks that the prize for washing your laundry is getting to fold your laundry.

0

2 months ago

chores, domestic, domestic life, fold, folding, getting, humor, irony, laundry, life, prize, sucks, washing
I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

0

2 months ago

bag, butter, chocolate, craving, family, food, humor, i, indulgence, M&Ms, peanut, peanut butter, snack, sweets, want
I get so flattered when butterflies or bees buzz around me. Like, sorry ladies, I’m not a flower, but it’s so sweet that you thought I was. Hehe.

0

2 months ago

around, bee, bees, butterfly, buzz, compliment, flattery, flower, humor, i, me, nature, playful, sorry, sweet, thought
Noam Chomsky sounds like the legal name of the very hungry caterpillar.

0

2 months ago

caterpillar, chomsky, food, humor, hungry, hungry caterpillar, legal, literature, name, names, noam, Noam Chomsky, wordplay
Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

0

2 months ago

14th, couple, day, expensive, getting, home, hotel, hotel room, humor, people, position, positions, relationship, room, rooms, same, sex, sex position, shout, travel, valentine’s, Valentine’s Day
For my final act of love, I will never contact you again, but think of you always.

0

9 hours ago

act, again, always, breakup, contact, final, final act, humor, i, irony, love, memory, never, think

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

11 shares on TikTok this month:

Big accounts just say water is wet and get 1 trillion likes.

84 shares on Reddit this month:

To everyone I offended this year: do better next year, so I don’t have to do it again.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and so much eggs that we gathered at night and threw them at the houses of our enemies.

14 shares on Facebook this month:

If you ever have a crush on someone and want it to end, listen to a podcast they are on.

23 shares on YouTube this month:

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

28 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s not getting better or worse, but rather a third mysterious thing.

25 shares on X this month:

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

73 shares on Reddit this month:

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

98 shares on X this month:

Stop telling people to grow up. Have you seen adults?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

One person’s logic is another one’s “what the heck?”

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

I had the most impatient and rudest cashier. I’m never using self-checkout again.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

I came. I saw. I made it awkward.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Instead of being constantly irritated by other people’s flaws, I’ve decided to become more self-absorbed.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Many men also have a walk-in closet. For them, it’s just called a floor.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Do men know they don’t have to keep their clothing until it disintegrates?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

Spotted on WeChat:

Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

Just landed via Snapchat:

The goal is to make your therapist cry.

Just shared via Messenger:

I love when people find out I meant every word I said.

Going viral on Instagram:

I think carefully about what I’m going to say and I still manage to say the wrong thing. It’s truly a gift I have.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

Spotted on Messenger:

Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

Making waves on Instagram:

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

Making waves on Discord:

A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Have to connect the printer to my new laptop, and my goal is to cry no more than three times.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Kinda sucks that the prize for washing your laundry is getting to fold your laundry.

I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

I get so flattered when butterflies or bees buzz around me. Like, sorry ladies, I’m not a flower, but it’s so sweet that you thought I was. Hehe.

Noam Chomsky sounds like the legal name of the very hungry caterpillar.

Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

For my final act of love, I will never contact you again, but think of you always.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨