Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Keeping a picture of my bed in a locket around my neck and staring at it longingly on my lunch break.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Forget mini pizzas. I want one so big it needs a forklift to rotate it.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

“Girls just want to have fun!” No, I want one million dollars cash.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Bob Ross could paint a forest in 10 minutes. I’ve been ‘working on myself’ for years, and I’m still unfinished.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

What’s my net worth? Buddy, I don’t own a net.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Other people: You should get out of your comfort zone. Me: You should get out of my comfort zone.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m a big fan of that post-laundry feeling when you’ve got all your A-list clothes back in the game.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

What’s the point of having sex dreams if you always wake up just when it’s getting down to business?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,322

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

Seen just now on Instagram:

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Roses are red. Let’s get some fresh air. Make love in the moonlight. Have a pregnancy scare.

Going viral on Reddit:

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

Just landed via Discord:

I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Hot girl in her 20s: It’s so weird, but I keep getting lucky, and everything works out in my favor.

Shared recently on Discord:

Bad news. Right now is as young as you’re going to be.

Going viral on Messenger:

I was actually doing so well until your email found me.

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When family gatherings start feeling like a parent's scheduling app! 🤔📅😂

adult, custody, divorce, family, Funny, having, humor, mom, parent, parents, sibling, siblings, today

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

0

2 months ago

billionaire, CEO, corporate, disparity, economic, economic disparity, employee, employee salary, employees, experiment, hear, humor, live, me, month, ok, reality, reality show, salary, satire, show, social, social experiment, where, workplace
Jackie Chan used to say “I don’t want trouble“ and then break everybody’s legs.

0

2 months ago

arts, break, chan, humor, i, irony, jackie, Jackie Chan, legs, martial, martial arts, say, trouble, used, want
All the smart people at the office are worried about being replaced by A.I., but not me. I’m safe until they invent Artificial Stupidity.

0

2 months ago

A.I., AI, artificial, artificial intelligence, artificial stupidity, being, humor, intelligence, me, office, people, replacement, safe, safety, smart, smart people, stupidity, technology, workplace
I wonder how long you could drive in a roundabout before a cop would be like, hey, you can’t do that anymore.

0

2 months ago

before, cop, drive, driving, enforcement, humor, i, law, law enforcement, police, question, roundabout, traffic, wonder
The inventor of archery: Man, I really wanna stab that guy over there.

0

2 months ago

aggression, archery, conflict, guy, humor, i, inventor, irony, joke, man, over, stab
Please congratulate me on my cool new position! It is the fetal position; I will be in it for a while.

0

3 months ago

congratulation, fetal, fetal position, humor, i, joke, me, new, please, position, relaxation, rest, while

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Maybe somewhere in a parallel universe, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic each day.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

73 shares on WeChat this month:

My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice.

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

58 shares on Pinterest this month:

Careful, “friend”. One more word about Shakira and you might find out just how fast I can draw this blade.

23 shares on Reddit this month:

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

“I’m too young to be forgetting why I walked into a room.”

37 shares on Messenger this month:

I wish flies spoke English, so I could say, ‘Hey, if you don’t leave right now, I am going to kill you so hard.’

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

What if babies had two umbilical cords and if you cut the wrong one, it exploded?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

A fun thing to do on a first date is wear a wedding dress.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Woke up and immediately broke my resolution to be less sexy this year.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

I hate it when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Me rereading his texts after we’ve already said goodnight just so I can giggle and blush all over again.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Women do not snore. The sound they make at night is just the rewinding of the vocal cords.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Nothing worse than when I turn up to Park Run to find it is indeed going ahead.

Just shared via Telegram:

I bet God still calls it Twitter.

Shared recently on Facebook:

If you inject Botox into a raisin, does it turn back into a grape?

Spotted on Pinterest:

Sisters are so important. How else would my mom find out all the stuff I didn’t want her to know.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

Spotted on WeChat:

Hold on, let me overthink this.

Live now on Reddit:

Can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

Breaking via Instagram:

Beautiful women named Severe Thunderstorm Warning are blowing up my phone.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Asian parents give you unmoanable names so you can focus on your studies.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

Jackie Chan used to say “I don’t want trouble“ and then break everybody’s legs.

All the smart people at the office are worried about being replaced by A.I., but not me. I’m safe until they invent Artificial Stupidity.

I wonder how long you could drive in a roundabout before a cop would be like, hey, you can’t do that anymore.

The inventor of archery: Man, I really wanna stab that guy over there.

Please congratulate me on my cool new position! It is the fetal position; I will be in it for a while.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨