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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Taking a guy from skinny jeans to linen trousers, that’s my way of giving back to society.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Everyone’s gangster until they need to pee.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

A DM? Flirt on the timeline like a real man.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I’m at the age where, if you ask me to go out after 9 p.m., I’m definitely not coming.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Juggling screen time is the ultimate multitasking Olympics.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

A hammock is a terrible place to receive bad news.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,399

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

Spotted on X:

Learn from the mistakes of others, you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

Just shared via Discord:

Having a job is cool, but everyday? Come on!

Broadcasted on YouTube:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The way Christmas shopping expects me to have money right now is, honestly, disrespectful.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I will never be the person this serving size suggestion wants me to be.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I don’t drink coffee all the time. I take breaks in between to make another one.

Breaking via Instagram:

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

Making waves on WhatsApp:

When you want to key his car, but he doesn’t have one, so you bend his bus pass.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I can turn wine into water about two hours after drinking it. Checkmate Jesus.

Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.

2 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When you need a smart speaker just to find your own brain 🧠🤔😂

Alexa, assistant, forgetfulness, humor, i, me, memory, remind, reminder, room, smart, smart assistant, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

0

5 months ago

anything, being, better, bowie, david, David Bowie, inspiration, little, memorable, music, personality, taught, uniqueness, us, weird
Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

0

2 months ago

commitment, humor, irony, life, longevity, marriage, relationship, said, shorter
I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

0

2 months ago

attention, best, humor, irony, noticed, psychology, relationship, want
God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

0

2 months ago

all-forgetting, all-knowing, forgetfulness, God, humor, ID, wisdom
A large group of people is called an “eww, no thank you”

0

2 months ago

eww, gathering, group, humor, people, social, thank, thank you
School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.

0

2 months ago

anyone, friendship, gathering, honesty, humor, just, know, life, life success, missing, nobody, nostalgia, reunion, scam, school, school reunion, social, social gathering, success, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on Discord this month:

You’re so productive for your wage.

83 shares on Twitch this month:

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

70 shares on Threads this month:

To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

96 shares on Slack this month:

The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.

13 shares on X this month:

I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

79 shares on Instagram this month:

No, I won’t be attending your seance, I barely want to talk to the living.

10 shares on Reddit this month:

Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee.

31 shares on Messenger this month:

The whole “read before you go to bed to get sleepy” thing does not apply to me because I will be up till 5 a.m. if the book is worth it.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

If you have to remind them to give a shit, remind yourself not to.

37 shares on Discord this month:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

I am the first person in my bloodline to attempt to become hot, and I can feel my genes fighting me every step of the way.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

I want the dreams to chase me for once.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

“Gravy is not a beverage.” Okay, well that’s why I was trying to drink it in the bathroom, so you wouldn’t see me.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

I love you to the refrigerator and back.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just very close.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Dear sleep, I’m sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back!

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

How many of you also constantly take screenshots of something and then never look at them again?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WhatsApp:

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

Shared recently on Slack:

I’m at the age where, if you ask me to go out after 9 p.m., I’m definitely not coming.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Our dog snores so loud, we had to rename him Grandpa.

Going viral on Messenger:

High school crushes were crazy because, why the hell was I running all over school just to catch a glimpse of him.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

Shared recently on WeChat:

There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

Going bananas on Discord:

Gosh, being a princess is exhausting.

Trending via Threads:

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Some say the world will end in fire. Others say in ice. Coming up next, our expert panel breaks down the arguments for each side…

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

A large group of people is called an “eww, no thank you”

School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨