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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit finding me.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Be useless, so nobody can use you.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Airlines when they need to change your flight: here’s a complimentary napkin. Airlines when you need to change your flight: that’ll be $8700.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

You don’t have to write every day to be a writer! You just have to feel guilty every day that you don’t.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Your brain automatically translates WTF but not LOL.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

“People you may know” and it’s someone I would set on fire.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,568

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

Seen just now on Reddit:

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

Just shared via Discord:

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Life so stupid, I just want a burger and to be held.

Making waves on Threads:

Who called them cat allergies and not meowlergies?

Just landed via Pinterest:

Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.

Live now on Slack:

I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything.

Making waves on Messenger:

People in 1999 were using the Internet as an escape from reality. People today are using reality as an escape from the Internet.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If you steal enough FitBits, they’ll just give you one for your ankle.

Hot singles over 40 in your area are curious what you use for joint pain and inflammation.

2 weeks ago

Playful text about older singles curious about joint pain relief, with a humorous vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like the hot singles over 40 are not just asking for a date, but also for some health advice! 🔥💪 Forget pick-up lines, they want to know your joint pain secrets instead! 💬😂 Who knew finding love could also mean finding the best anti-inflammatory remedy? 🌿💕 #MatchmakingForPainRelief"

40, area, curiosity, dating, hot, hot single, humor, inflammation, joint, joint pain, over, over 40, pain, single, singles

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

68 shares on Twitch this month:

Start every phone call with “My battery is at 5%” so you can hang up whenever you want.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

73 shares on Twitch this month:

Diarrhea awareness week starts today. Runs through Sunday.

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

People call me a “Trekkie,” but I’m not. I’ve only seen Star Wars a couple of times.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?

19 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve decided to give people an attitude instead of gifts this year.

97 shares on Pinterest this month:

Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

78 shares on Slack this month:

Not to brag, but I can put my socks on without sitting down.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes, I know there is a really special place in hell for me. It’s called a throne.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I told my computer I needed a break, now it sends me reminders to stretch while I’m lying on the couch.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Clubbing is a phase that you must go through and get over.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I laughed at your bad joke. I was trying to flirt.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I need someone to look at me the way I look at memes.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My dog and I play this game, it’s called “What Are You Chewing On Now?” It goes both ways.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like, why am I always getting all this money?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I love saying “sounds good” at work, and no shit be sounding good.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,265

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

America is truly the best country in the world at not learning from their mistakes.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

I’m never early… unless we’re talking about the airport.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Never quit, unless it’s too hard.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Women love asking you questions about the movie you both are watching.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Dear people, who drive without music playing, what do you do with your brain?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

Met my soulmate again today: mashed potatoes and gravy.

Going viral on Slack:

If you’re the type of person who likes to be left alone, I’m with you. Better yet, I’m not with you.

Spotted on Twitch:

Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

The reason the world felt like a better place during your childhood is because you were a child.

Seen just now on Messenger:

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

Going bananas on Snapchat:

My boyfriend moved in with me straight from Hotel Mama. In a way, I’m now a single parent.

Just landed via Facebook:

What idiot called it Catfishing your Tinder Contacts and not Playing With Matches?

Live now on Facebook:

I met my wife at a singles night. I was surprised as I thought she was at home with the kids.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Born to say “Who the hell raised you to be this stupid.” Forced to work in groups.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Due to inflation, you can now eat food that has been on the floor for up to 7.3 seconds.

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