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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m always sad when my sandwich is over.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Robert De Niro always looks like he just smelled a nasty fart.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

90% of the ocean is unexplored, which means there could be a McDonald’s down there.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

I wish flies spoke English, so I could say, ‘Hey, if you don’t leave right now, I am going to kill you so hard.’

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Zombies only eat brains, so you are safe.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

By the time someone says, ‘To make a long story short,’ it’s too late.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Working out consistently yields results, but mannnnnnn…… the laundry.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,430

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Discord:

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

Just landed via Slack:

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I feel like everyone who has ever had a hamster has some kind of traumatic experience with it.

Seen just now on Threads:

Which wine pairs best with WWIII?

Broadcasted on YouTube:

“You’re acting weird!” I’m not acting.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

Seen just now on WeChat:

The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.

Trending via Instagram:

It’s lowkey nothing else to do except become a better version of yourself, lol.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

You know you’re an introvert when you want to go home before even leaving the house.

How much longer do we have to keep pretending that Pilates isn’t a sex thing?

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to focus on core strength when it seems like Pilates just wants to flirt! 😜💪🧘‍♀️

fitness, humor, joke, keep, longer, much, Pilates, pretend, pretending, sex, thing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The person who invented bowling: “Oh, and we’ll make them wear different shoes for no reason. Clown shoes.”

3 months ago

bowling, clown, clown shoe, different, funny observation, humor, invention, observation, oh, person, reason, shoe, wear, well
Everyone’s gangsta till you’re waiting on your dog to poop.

2 months ago

animal, dog, gangsta, humor, patience, pet, poop, wait, waiting
My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

2 months ago

collectibles, divorce, friends, humor, i, leave, over, relationship, star, Star Wars, strong, threat, wars, wife
How do I get my glasses prescription placed in my windshield?

2 weeks ago

funny question, glasses, humor, i, prescription, question, vision, windshield
I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.

2 months ago

bieber, cleaning, household, humor, i, name, novelty, pet, pet name, robot, robot vacuum, technology, today, vacuum
They should invent a self-checkout where someone else scans the items and puts them in a bag.

2 months ago

bag, convenience, else, humor, invention, items, scan, self-checkout, shopping, should, someone, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on Slack this month:

If a zombie and vampire bite each other, who turns who?

30 shares on Messenger this month:

If I was on Love Island, I wouldn’t be fighting anyone or starting drama. I would just be playing mermaids in the pool the whole time. They’ve got that giant, beautiful pool, and nobody’s using it.

27 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Nothing can break the bond between me and peanut butter.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

28 shares on Twitch this month:

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

77 shares on Threads this month:

If you gain 4 pounds in one weekend, that just means you’re an overachiever.

47 shares on Twitch this month:

My tween would like you to know I ruined his life when I told him to stop being super sus and cringe and be more lit yo.

54 shares on Slack this month:

When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

45 shares on Threads this month:

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick the one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t miss calls, I stare at them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

You’re not a real baddie until a man has tried to forbid you from posting on social media.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” isn’t a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Everyone is getting pregnant or married, and I’m back to “What’s your favorite color?“

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Forever grateful that thought bubbles aren’t a real thing.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Ears are great for tucking your hair behind in the wind. Big shout out to ears.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

“Hey you!” is short for “I have no idea what your name is.”

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

There are two quantities of popcorn: not enough and what have I done

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

The downside to getting in a hammock is having to get out of the hammock.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He’s from India, and he’s very concerned about my car warranty.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Going bananas on Instagram:

Betrayal is when you’re holding a baby, and they put their arms out for someone else.

Seen just now on Telegram:

You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Whatever happened calorically this weekend can never happen again.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Steve, he has never been questioned”

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

Making waves on Twitch:

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

Trending via Twitch:

When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

Spotted on Telegram:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

How much longer do we have to keep pretending that Pilates isn’t a sex thing?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The person who invented bowling: “Oh, and we’ll make them wear different shoes for no reason. Clown shoes.”

Everyone’s gangsta till you’re waiting on your dog to poop.

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

How do I get my glasses prescription placed in my windshield?

I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.

They should invent a self-checkout where someone else scans the items and puts them in a bag.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨