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"Remember, hugging your children not only warms their hearts but also saves your fragile possessions! 🤗🧸 Just make sure they don't turn your favorite vase into a soccer ball later on! ⚽😜 #ParentingPriorities"

affection, bonding, break, children, family, hug, humor, parenting, things, time

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Where do I sign up to be one of those influencers with 2M followers whose whole thing is just standing in front of other people’s content and nodding?

1 month ago
commentary, content, followers, front, humor, i, influencer, just, media, nodding, satire, sign, social, social media, standing, thing, where, whole
I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

1 month ago
dream, humor, i, imagination, imagine, lottery, ready, reality, thrill, wake, wake up, work
I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

1 month ago
day, here, humor, i, just, oxygen, procrastination, relax, sit, think, waste
It’s so peaceful when you have no interest in other people’s business.

1 month ago
business, detachment, interest, peaceful, people, personal, personal space, social, space, tranquility
I was dropped as an adult.

1 month ago
adult, drop, dropped, humor, i, joke, self-deprecation
It’s crazy how genuinely entertaining it is to stare into an open fire. That’s some real epigenetic memory shit.

1 month ago
crazy, entertaining, entertainment, epigenetic, epigenetic memory, fire, memory, open, open fire, real, shit, stare

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

If we ever make eye contact, just know I imagined way too much already.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Why are fish the only thing you can monger? Let me monger some other stuff.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Autumn and winter are coming. The time when I make myself tea and always forget that I’ve made myself tea.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Gwyneth Paltrow, I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Remember when movies felt real, and foreheads could wrinkle.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

My favorite thing to do when I see people I know in public is to pretend I didn’t.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

I wonder how my close personal beloved friend Taylor Swift is doing today.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

The horror: “Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

Trending via TikTok:

There should be an Amazon driver at the Mall during the holidays so adults can sit on their lap and tell them what they want.

Going viral on Threads:

What wine pairs well with the kids being stuck inside during a heat wave?

Going bananas on Slack:

AI is that friend who is always there for you but gives terrible advice.

Just shared via Messenger:

I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to get home from work tomorrow.

Live now on Instagram:

Three serious exes is the right amount before you meet your spouse. You need one truly evil one, one normal one, and one situationship, and then you’ve basically experienced all dating has to offer.

Just shared via X:

Annoyed because I want to live my life without a job.

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Activity Log ✨

Hug your children as often as you can. They can’t break things during this time.

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

I was dropped as an adult.

It’s crazy how genuinely entertaining it is to stare into an open fire. That’s some real epigenetic memory shit.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

You look like the kind of person whose recorded calls have been used for training purposes.

I don’t care if it’s cliché, I will always enjoy a ‘small town but something messed up is happening’ story.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I hate the sounds you make when you chew.

Sometimes I feel useless but then I remember I breath out carbon dioxide for plants.

No matter how sad you are, there is some form of potato that can make it better.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Salary week, but salary weak.

This year has gone by so quick. Christmas is basically tomorrow.

Today, I started a 28-day no-swearing challenge, which I will restart tomorrow.

Putting a hot frying pan into a sink running with cold water makes me feel like a blacksmith.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

I deserve a dragon after all I’ve been through.

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

I am a friend to all cats. Yes, even the mean ones. They have their reasons.

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

Welcome to adulthood: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.

I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.

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Hug your children as often as you can. They can’t break things during this time.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Where do I sign up to be one of those influencers with 2M followers whose whole thing is just standing in front of other people’s content and nodding?

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

It’s so peaceful when you have no interest in other people’s business.

I was dropped as an adult.

It’s crazy how genuinely entertaining it is to stare into an open fire. That’s some real epigenetic memory shit.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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