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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Technically, the Friday after July 4 isn’t a holiday. But I think we all know that Americans have a constitutional right to take the fifth.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Men only have money the first month of dating, that’s recruitment budget, never confuse it with operational budget.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

I would like to opt out of WW3, por favor.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

The longer I work in corporate, the more I realize… Micromanaging is just insecurity dressed up as leadership.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Wow, this was a really long day of playing on my phone.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Really hate when I’m watching a movie, and I can see that they are acting.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Your childhood wasn’t complete unless you were chased by a dog… or a goat… or even worse, a chicken.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

My brain doesn’t sea typos until I’ve already hit send.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,449

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WhatsApp:

To everyone who opens the fridge, stares, and closes it hoping new snacks will appear… You’re my people.

Seen just now on Threads:

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Wanna come over and see my mis-matched sock collection?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

Broadcasted on X:

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

Going bananas on YouTube:

When people say they’re speechless, I always hope they mean it, but they never stop talking.

Just shared via Telegram:

I don’t post for money or fame, I post because there’s something seriously wrong with me.

Going viral on Messenger:

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

Trending via Reddit:

Mouse in a conference call: hold on, I’m gonna put you on squeakerphone.

I am absolutely delicious, and I hate how mosquitoes know it.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about feeling tasty and mosquitoes' obsession with it.

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Commentary:
Being a deluxe buffet for mosquitoes wasn't my career plan 🍽️🦟🙄

absolutely, am, annoyance, bite, delicious, hate, humor, i, insect, know, mosquito

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46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s only Wednesday.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

Everyone who dramatically ‘quits’ social media is back in 48 hours like it was just a trial separation.

89 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t know why we traded horses for cars. Your car won’t stop in front of a river and be like, “no way dumbass, we aren’t going to make that.”

45 shares on Reddit this month:

What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.

51 shares on Twitch this month:

Thanks to social media, you can now meet weirdos from the comfort of your own home.

10 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Being a woman is hard. You always want to buy something, slap someone, lose weight and eat something sweet.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

French fries are like the lifeboats on the Titanic. They never give you enough.

48 shares on LinkedIn this month:

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

My favorite part about going camping is the part where I stay at home, and I don’t go camping.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Just eating the emotional support snickers bar in my purse. How about you?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

That one British friend that’s too bloke.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I love people who are fluent in Spongebob references.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Over Christmas, some bastard has snuck into my house, gone into my wardrobe, stolen my work trousers, and replaced them with a smaller pair.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Liberté. Egalité. Second Coffeé.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Meetings are great because who doesn’t like being held hostage?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Womansplaining is when a woman tries to explain to you what you’re thinking/feeling, and is just totally 100% wrong.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Quitting my job to focus on decorating the tree.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Girls with long hair will literally leave little traces of themselves wherever they go, like feathers falling from an angel’s wings.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

Spotted on Messenger:

The worst part about being in your 40s is the 10 years of listening to people say, “Wait till you’re 50.”

Making waves on TikTok:

You come from dust and you will return to dust. That’s why I don’t dust. It could be someone I know.

Going bananas on Messenger:

The light at the end of the tunnel is only the headlight of the oncoming train.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

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Activity Log ✨

I am absolutely delicious, and I hate how mosquitoes know it.

An adult is a person who makes noise when they stand up.

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

My body snaps, crackles, and pops louder than my cereal.

My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.

You should never forget where you came from. That’s probably where your keys are.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I am absolutely delicious, and I hate how mosquitoes know it.

Keep the laugh going 😂

An adult is a person who makes noise when they stand up.

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

My body snaps, crackles, and pops louder than my cereal.

My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.

You should never forget where you came from. That’s probably where your keys are.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨