Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I’m starting to understand the distant uncle.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Still can’t believe we have a federal holiday to celebrate the 1996 hit movie Independence Day.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Kind of miraculous how much love can be summoned and how much your day can be improved by just looking at an animal and saying stuff in a weird voice.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

I hate when I forget to say something during an argument. Like, hey, let’s argue again, I got better material now.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Honk shuah. Sleep on that thang!

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Brainwashing is always considered terrible and horrible. But there are many brains that would benefit from a wash.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

One night stands just make more sense for single people. Why would you need a night stand on both sides of the bed?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

21 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,290

Funny Quotes Topics

17,410

Funny Quotes Images

15,290

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,283

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

Just landed via Slack:

As someone who lives on earth, rising sea levels are alarming. But as someone who has always wanted to be a mermaid, I’m intrigued.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

It’s so embarrassing when attention seekers feel the need to tell everybody it’s their birthday in, like, every conversation, which, for me, would be today, by the way.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

You call it nagging, I call it ‘listen to what I said the first time!’

Seen just now on Reddit:

It’s so cool when people who write for a living admit that they don’t read books or have thoughts.

Spotted on Pinterest:

For Halloween I will go to the beach dressed as a french fry and let the seagulls destroy me.

Trending via Telegram:

Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

Just landed via Snapchat:

My credit score is a family of raccoons hissing over a McRib.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I keep pressing the space bar, but I’m still on Earth.

Live now on Threads:

Welcome to Twitter, where people never let their lack of knowledge get in the way of expressing a strong opinion.

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When Santa needs an emergency stop at the North Pole gym 😂🎅💊💪

am, bed, going, head, humor, i, idea, laying, Ozempic, reading, Santa, stoned, whisper

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

0

2 months ago

children, companionship, dog, family, happiness, happy, house, humor, love, parenting, pets, relationships, someone, teenager
Ironically people who are good at giving advice find it difficult to follow their own.

0

2 months ago

advice, difficulty, follow, giving, good, humor, irony, own, people, self-help
It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

0

2 months ago

banknote, fake, hold, humor, light, people, real, shame
All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

0

2 months ago

broken, broken people, dealing, humor, lord, me, mechanic, people, tell
In the 90s, you’d always find your way to some stranger’s house.

0

3 months ago

90s, always, house, humor, interaction, memory, nostalgia, social, social interaction, stranger, strangers
Shit posting is cheaper than therapy.

0

5 months ago

cheaper, coping, coping mechanism, culture, health, humor, internet, internet culture, mechanism, media, mental, mental health, posting, shit, shitposting, social, social media, therapy

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on Discord this month:

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.

59 shares on Discord this month:

You’re the ‘S’ to my ‘HTTP’; without you, I’m just a bad connection!

22 shares on Messenger this month:

My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can’t sleep.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

A plus of getting older is not having to make as much small talk because half the conversation is spent asking the other person to repeat what they just said.

50 shares on Slack this month:

Taking a Hooters waitress on a date to a different Hooters on her night off.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

The first bowl of cereal makes you want a second, but the second makes you wish you stopped at the first.

30 shares on Telegram this month:

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Shoutout to everyone who remembers their childhood landline number but can’t recall the password they made yesterday. You’re my people.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Don’t tell me to trust my gut. Thats where I put my snacks. Clearly that’s where I’m the weakest.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Feeling guilty for taking up the entire therapy session talking about myself.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Only at 27 do you become old, and then when you turn 30, you become younger than ever. That’s just how it goes.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

They should make a drug that recreates the feeling of having your number called earlier than expected.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Hold music is annoyingly scratchy and repetitive on purpose, so you will hang up and stop bothering them.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

My love language is deader than Latin.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Behind every great tweet is a person rolling their eyes.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Caffeine is not enough anymore, I need to chew on a power line.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Threads:

70% of the planet is covered in water, yet here I am drowning in bullshit.

Trending via Slack:

Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.

Trending via YouTube:

I can’t flirt, but I’ll awkwardly giggle at everything you say.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Apparently, staying to yourself and not bothering people bothers people.

Spotted on Messenger:

They charge you for the groceries and then they charge you for the toilet paper when you turn the groceries into poop. Open your eyes!

Making waves on Instagram:

Every day Facebook tells me I have memories and wants to show them to me. It’s like they have no appreciation for the cost or the amount of liquor I needed to erase them.

Breaking via WeChat:

My mom be cutting up fruit and bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. That’s when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much.

Spotted on YouTube:

I bet oiling and wrapping potatoes in aluminum foil feels so good for the potato.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I hate when I accidentally blow all of my leaves into my neighbor’s yard.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

Ironically people who are good at giving advice find it difficult to follow their own.

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

In the 90s, you’d always find your way to some stranger’s house.

Shit posting is cheaper than therapy.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨