I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes that the relationship had hit some turbulence.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

I’m not addicted to Twitter. I’m just a really good listener so I want to know what everyone has to say.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

When I was a kid, we still ate noodles. Then at some point we ate pasta. Today, we only eat carbs.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Jeez. It’s like the people in this nursing home have never heard techno before.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Think I’ll get high enough to find out if there’s a God. Stay tuned.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m on this new diet where I don’t consume anything that talks to me before the first coffee.