Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Sorry for how I acted when there were multiple noises happening at the same time.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Ladies, if you receive flowers with no card on them today, they’re from me.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

All my small talk is done with a car horn.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

The moment when I drop my phone, but my fast reflexes slam it into a bloody wall.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

I’m opening a secret ice cream club called The Inside Scoop.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,353

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

50 shades of single.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Wild Friday night, and by wild, I mean me and the other psychopaths at the gym.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” isn’t a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Alexa, take responsibility for my actions.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

At 20, I was unstoppable; at 30, I’m just unstartable.

Shared recently on TikTok:

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

Trending via Instagram:

This too shall pass… It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

Seen just now on X:

Spending the day with my mom and her mom, just observing the patterns.

Spotted on TikTok:

Those security guards at the Samsung store are Guardians of the Galaxy.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I need to have a ginger ale about this.

I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Dreams really do come true; too bad my friends won't pay me for my professional couch-warming services! 🛋️😴🔥

blanket, call, couch, dream, friend, friends, human, human blanket, i, lifelong, lifelong dream, nap, napping, still

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The world would be a much nicer place if we just turn off the news.

0

2 months ago

humor, just, media, much, news, nicer, nicer place, place, positivity, turn, world
I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

0

2 months ago

activity, adventure, anxiety, check, every, fun, fun activity, humor, i, love, minutes, passport, travel
I’m not bothered if you don’t like me, awesomeness isn’t for everyone.

0

2 months ago

attitude, awesomeness, confidence, everyone, humor, me, positivity, sarcasm, self-esteem, self-love, uniqueness
“Some men go months without being hugged.” Okay, then they should just hug each other.

0

2 months ago

being, each other, hug, humor, interaction, just, man, men, months, okay, relationships, should, social, social interaction
I am cassette tape years old.

0

2 months ago

age, am, cassette, cassette tape, childhood, humor, i, nostalgia, old, tape, year’s
Perfume and jewelry are two things you can never go wrong with gifting me.

0

4 months ago

gift, gift idea, gifting, humor, idea, jewelry, me, never, perfume, present, things, wrong

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Slack this month:

I need a job with a salary that’ll shock me every month.

72 shares on Threads this month:

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

53 shares on Threads this month:

I’d imagine the sound of clowns having sex would just be a cacophony of bicycle horns.

40 shares on X this month:

I don’t care if it’s cliché, I will always enjoy a ‘small town but something messed up is happening’ story.

32 shares on Reddit this month:

If the first thing you do in the morning is checking your emails, you’re starting your day with other people’s problems.

86 shares on WeChat this month:

Driving behind a salt truck on a snowy day is a Midwest police escort.

41 shares on X this month:

Carrying my phone from room to room like a Victorian woman and her lantern.

29 shares on X this month:

After Michael Jordan joined a religious order, he was known as Air Friar.

81 shares on TikTok this month:

The name Ella is short for Mozzarella.

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can get sleep paralysis.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Starting your most incoherent sentence with “put simply” to deflect blame onto the reader.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Me to cat: quit looking at me like I’m an ingredient.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

‘Another bombshell has entered the villa!’ I say to myself as I walk in the front door of my own home.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I’m an adult in the same way a tomato is a fruit.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Common sense isn’t a gift. It’s a punishment, because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?

Live now on Pinterest:

I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

Breaking via TikTok:

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

Spotted on Reddit:

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

Shared recently on Telegram:

The longer I stay home, the more homeless I look.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

My husband threw away a perfectly good box as if we might not need it in 20 years.

Just shared via Facebook:

“You’re such a stalker!” God forbid a woman wants to know more about her future husband.

Trending via Instagram:

No, sorry, next week won’t work. I’ll be a shadow of what I once was.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The world would be a much nicer place if we just turn off the news.

I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

I’m not bothered if you don’t like me, awesomeness isn’t for everyone.

“Some men go months without being hugged.” Okay, then they should just hug each other.

I am cassette tape years old.

Perfume and jewelry are two things you can never go wrong with gifting me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨