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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Managed to empty the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something there takes on a life of its own.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

I laugh at my own jokes because I am my target audience. Y’all just happen to be there.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Cashews are my favorite because they’re salty and hunched over just like me.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Those security guards at the Samsung store are Guardians of the Galaxy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,924

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

Back in my day, we had to walk to the TV to change the channel. Uphill, both ways!

Just landed via Snapchat:

Unfortunately, I don’t think before I speak, so l am just a shocked as you are.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

Going viral on Slack:

Horrifying if literal: my girlfriend is a gym rat.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

Spotted on Slack:

Walmart was wild as hell today, so I fit right in.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I wish there were an option to turn off the Wi-Fi connection for WhatsApp only.

Making waves on YouTube:

Check yourself before you Shrek yourself.

Making waves on YouTube:

“You smell so good!” Okay, so kiss me.

Making waves on X:

Absolutely love wanting to do a lot of things and ending up not doing even one! Yay.

I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

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I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.
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Commentary:
Ah, the pure joys of parenthood! 😂👩‍👧‍👦 Who knew that embarrassing your kids could be such a rewarding pastime? Just another perk of getting older – gaining more opportunities to hilariously mortify your offspring! 😜🙈 #ParentingGoals #LittleJoys

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Telegram this month:

One year older today, and still no closer to growing up.

70 shares on X this month:

Getting accused of using AI when you didn’t is like this century’s version of a witch allegation.

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

Accepting you’re about to throw up, gotta be the worst feeling on God’s green earth.

11 shares on Instagram this month:

I want to clarify that what I publish on social media does not define me as a person; I am worse.

69 shares on Messenger this month:

I am brilliantly social for one and a half hours, and then I need to recover in my bedroom cave for two days.

88 shares on Pinterest this month:

What if the universe wasn’t infinite or finite, but a secret third thing?

70 shares on Discord this month:

Going to all the Halloween parties this year as the Invisible Man.

64 shares on YouTube this month:

I used to be so graceful, now I am like a puppy with a box stuck on her head.

34 shares on TikTok this month:

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

It doesn’t matter how bizarre your situation is. Somebody on Reddit already been there, done that.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re in his DMs, so am I, but I am way funnier.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Fitness influencer: It’s important to listen to your body. Body: You’re old. And you want lasagna.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I put on my Godzilla costume, then go to the miniature golf course to beat up the windmill.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I bought some old lady reading glasses as a lark, a laugh, and now my eyes don’t hurt. This isn’t what I wanted.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember you are dust and, after you send this email, to dust you shall return.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,645

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

I’m gonna be the first zoomer to start dropping the ‘two thousand’ when referring to the past. “Yeah, that was back in ‘17.”

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Playing Mortal Kombat at an arcade in the 90’s would fix me.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

You know it’s bad when even a cheeseburger doesn’t help.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

We don’t get a song of the summer this year because we were bad.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Ripped a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

I think being a hopeless romantic is giving me brain damage.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

It’s so cold outside I saw a gangster pull his pants up and walk stiffly.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

When intelligence meets empathy and kindness, it’s so sexy.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

Doesn’t matter if the chicken or the egg came first. Still a weird thing to just appear.

Making waves on X:

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Going bananas on TikTok:

My ex had this fetish where he would dress up in his own clothes and act like an idiot.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

What’s a beginner question to ask for someone just getting into being nosy?

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Spending the day with my mom and her mom, just observing the patterns.

Trending via Threads:

In the 90s, you’d always find your way to some stranger’s house.

Trending via X:

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

Seen just now on Reddit:

The hottest thing a man can do is exactly what he said he was going to.

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