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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I do not have a “body count.” I have a curious spirit.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

You know you’re old when you you barely do anything all day, but still need a nap to continue doing barely anything.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I can’t do this anymore.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Interviewer: So why do you want this job? Me: I don’t. I just need money.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

They should add a live chat to every Wikipedia article.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

We’ve had far more storms since we started naming them. We’re giving them the attention they crave. Just call it needy wind.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,987

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Journaling was the most useless thing l ever attempted. Not only am I still suffering but now there’s evidence.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

Shared recently on Discord:

So crazy to just be living every day through the slow-motion car crash of escalating fascism, and it’s still like, “Aww, man, I have to go to the dentist.”

Shared recently on Facebook:

What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.

Freshly posted on X:

I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Gonna run this by my two best friends who are as insane as I am.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Ask your girlfriend for her ring size and then give her a personalized bowling ball.

Spotted on Threads:

Sometimes I’m just so exhausted I have to go to bed and scroll my phone for the next 2-3 hours.

Freshly posted on X:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

I get writer’s block responding to people.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Relatable! My brain just freezes and pretends it's a popsicle! 🍦🧠

block, communication, difficulty, humor, i, interaction, people, responding, response, response difficulty, social, social interaction, writer’s block, writers, writing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

0

2 months ago

fit, fitness, humor, irony, me, need, self-awareness, tell, watch
I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

0

2 months ago

2010, exhaustion, fact, hide, humor, looking, moisturizer, self-care, skincare, tired
Spent most of the day making sure my couch still works. So far so good.

0

2 months ago

activity, comfort, couch, day, funny activity, good, home, making, most, relaxation, spent, still, sure, works
Don’t invite me places. I was cesarean. I didn’t want to come out then and I certainly don’t want to now.

0

2 months ago

cesarean, coming, coming out, event, humor, i, introvert, invitation, invite, me, places, reluctance, social, social event, want
Being gracefully unhinged is the only way to get through the everyday bullshit.

0

4 months ago

attitude, being, bullshit, coping, everyday, graceful, gracefully, humor, life, only, resilience, through, unhinged
If you really think about it, extraordinary isn’t that great. It’s just an extra helping of ordinary.

0

2 months ago

extra, extraordinary, great, helping, humor, irony, just, life, ordinary, perspective, simplicity, think

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on WeChat this month:

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

wearing no bra and oversized clothes is self-care at its finest

27 shares on Messenger this month:

Grammar is important. It’s the difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you’re nuts.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

That urge to nap between 3pm – 5pm is no joke.

11 shares on WeChat this month:

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

74 shares on Telegram this month:

Fun prank: make people study for many years, and then don’t give them jobs.

78 shares on Slack this month:

Welcome to your 40s, the best part of your day is now the heated seats in your car after a long day.

89 shares on Instagram this month:

I just tried to groom my dog myself, and I now fully understand why the dog groomer charges more for a haircut than my own stylist.

84 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.

99 shares on Discord this month:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

The more nicknames I have for you, the more I like you.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

I don’t have a welcome mat at my front door because I’m not a liar.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

I think you misunderstood – when I said, “Let me look into it,” that meant, “I don’t know exactly how to tell you no just yet.”

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

You know where I’d like to go? Missing.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

I get so flattered when butterflies or bees buzz around me. Like, sorry ladies, I’m not a flower, but it’s so sweet that you thought I was. Hehe.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

When you are in your 20s, there is going to be an urge to binge The Sopranos. it is very important that you press play.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

If only guys would moan in bed like they do in the gym…

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Can we skip to the rich part?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

Some people are living proof that brain failure does not immediately lead to death.

Going viral on Threads:

Imagine sex with me. No, not like that, you’re doing it all wrong!

Just landed via Pinterest:

After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Breakups are hard, but have you ever been disappointed in the food you ordered?

Broadcasted on Threads:

Sometimes I think about starting a podcast and then I remember all I do during conversations is nod.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

Just shared via Twitch:

Anyone who says there are no stupid questions is welcome to drop by my office. My colleagues will prove you wrong.

Spotted on Instagram:

What’s wrong, babe? You hardly touched your own advice you give to others.

Spotted on TikTok:

Why sleep when you can stay up all night overthinking?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I get writer’s block responding to people.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

Spent most of the day making sure my couch still works. So far so good.

Don’t invite me places. I was cesarean. I didn’t want to come out then and I certainly don’t want to now.

Being gracefully unhinged is the only way to get through the everyday bullshit.

If you really think about it, extraordinary isn’t that great. It’s just an extra helping of ordinary.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨