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Sounds like you've mastered the art of the professional procrastinator! 🕒😅 "I have an appointment at 4pm, so I can't do anything all day" — the perfect excuse to avoid chores and binge-watch your favorite shows instead. 📺🍿 Just remember, even your calendar needs a break from all that *busy* relaxation! 😂✨

4pm, am, anything, appointment, daily, daily routine, day, hate, humor, i, laziness, management, person, procrastination, routine, self-awareness, time, time management, type

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say she’s been working longer than I’ve been alive.

3 weeks ago
age, alive, anniversary, colleague, everything, humor, longer, me, milestone, say, someone, work, working
If you ever feel stupid, just remember there are people who forgive cheating.

3 months ago
cheating, ever, feel, forgive, humor, just, people, relationship, remember, sarcasm, stupid
I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

1 month ago
emotional, emotional support, humor, i, octopus, people, pet, shoplift, slap, support, train, training, want
I can easily spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing but this guy was dressed like my grandmother which threw me off.

1 month ago
appearance, clothing, confusion, disguise, dressed, easily, grandmother, guy, humor, i, irony, me, sheep, spot, wolf
A man rejecting my advances can’t hurt me. I have a dog who leaves the bed every time I climb in.

1 month ago
advances, bed, companionship, dog, every, humor, hurt, i, man, me, rejection, relationships, time
“It’s bikini season,” I whisper, eating another bikini.

1 month ago
another, bikini, diet, eating, food, humor, i, irony, joke, season, summer, whisper

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Whenever І wake up and see that someone has wrіtten a bunch of funny posts before noon, І assume they are a mornіng drіnker.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Dads hate stopping on road trips because then all of the vehicles they worked hard to pass for the last hour get back ahead of them.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

To cut a long story short, I became a film editor.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Sorry, can’t. Waiting for my clothes to come back into style again.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Apple, who gives you permission to turn the brightness down again when I’ve just turned it up?

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

Trending via WhatsApp:

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

Spotted on Slack:

Life hack: You don’t need white noise to sleep when you have constant ringing in your ears.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Not smiling until Friday; nothing is funny this week.

Spotted on Threads:

Y’all liking my posts feels like a little forehead kiss.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

Shared recently on WeChat:

Is Mercury in reggaeton?

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Activity Log ✨

I hate how l am a “I have an appointment at 4pm so I can’t do anything all day” type of person.

Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say she’s been working longer than I’ve been alive.

If you ever feel stupid, just remember there are people who forgive cheating.

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

I can easily spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing but this guy was dressed like my grandmother which threw me off.

A man rejecting my advances can’t hurt me. I have a dog who leaves the bed every time I climb in.

“It’s bikini season,” I whisper, eating another bikini.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

There are too many neglected emojis.

Sundays are weird. You want to relax, but your brain’s like, “Shouldn’t you be panicking about something?”

I’m not ready to adopt a highway, I can barely raise my own driveway.

Growing up, there was a Cody in every elementary school class, but as an adult, I haven’t met a Cody in years. Where did they go?

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Wishing I could hit snooze on life’s alarm clock!

Phone is a cigarette for eyes.

People my age are on baby #2, and I’m on drink #5.

They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

Plot twist: the universe is waiting for you to give it a sign.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I’ve done the math and I regret to inform you I’m your soulmate.

You’re all badass until that dust bunny in the corner is a real spider.

When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

My superpower? I can look you right in the eyes while you’re talking and not hear a single word you said.

“What’s your music taste?” Don’t know, man. If it sounds good, I’m adding it to the playlist.

When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

My age is news to me every single time I remember.

How much chocolate is too much chocolate before it is technically no longer a salad?

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I hate how l am a “I have an appointment at 4pm so I can’t do anything all day” type of person.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say she’s been working longer than I’ve been alive.

If you ever feel stupid, just remember there are people who forgive cheating.

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

I can easily spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing but this guy was dressed like my grandmother which threw me off.

A man rejecting my advances can’t hurt me. I have a dog who leaves the bed every time I climb in.

“It’s bikini season,” I whisper, eating another bikini.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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