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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ณ has shared:

The fastest mammal on earth is the smartass on the web.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ผ has copied:

My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has copied:

My brain is 80% song lyrics.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡น has bookmarked:

They should invent harmless cigarettes for aura farming purposes.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡น has bookmarked:

I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has viewed:

Some people call me crazy. I prefer the term happy with a twist.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ซ has viewed:

Rapunzel, let down your CVS receipt!

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ซ has downloaded:

They should invent friends whose schedules line up with yours.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡น has bookmarked:

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ผ has copied:

Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,721

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He’s from India, and he’s very concerned about my car warranty.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Thereโ€™s something about Dracula I just donโ€™t trust.

Breaking via Snapchat:

As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

Seen just now on WeChat:

Due to the humidity, my hair has chosen violence.

Going viral on Threads:

I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

Just shared via Facebook:

The highest act of rebellion is to relax unconditionally.

Going viral on Twitch:

You are allowed to be crazy as long as you are equally as hot.

Just shared via Threads:

Stop using ChatGPT. You got a question, you come to me first.

Spotted on Facebook:

You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Sheโ€™s the kind of beautiful that makes me do 40 push-ups in my room at 3am.

I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

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Commentary:
Sounds like my scale is jacked into a lie detector… ๐Ÿคฅ๐Ÿ”‹โžก๏ธ๐Ÿคญ๐Ÿ“๐Ÿšซ

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Social Media Stars โญ

98 shares on Slack this month:

I have been touched inappropriately by the sun today.

76 shares on Messenger this month:

Hello! I’m Britain’s greatest spy and my catchphrase is: I tell you my real surname, then my real forename, then my real surname again, in case you missed it.

84 shares on Snapchat this month:

Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

Which wine pairs best with WWIII?

99 shares on Reddit this month:

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

You donโ€™t scare me, I was married once.

48 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

81 shares on Reddit this month:

Two people had sex and now I’m fighting for my life everyday.

26 shares on Slack this month:

When God created the giraffe, he probably slipped with the mouse on the screen. This is how its neck was created.

43 shares on TikTok this month:

Just realized doors really are floating in the air 24/7. I donโ€™t like that.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

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Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

11 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

My bodyโ€™s check engine light has been on for years.

20 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Squirrels get most of their energy from chewing on powerlines, that acorn thing is just for show.

20 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Salsa counts as a serving of vegetables, right?

9 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Surely, this is the hangover that will teach me my lesson.

5 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Do you think I’ll read a book again at some point or will I continue to dumb myself down with 12 hours of screen time?

17 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

6 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Every night, millions of teeth go unbrushed.

15 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I have a lot in common with AI. We occasionally provide incorrect information with a confident tone.

16 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

One of my biggest faults is that when I ask someone their name, I forget to listen to what their name is.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,623

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช has copied:

Made it to Friday, but at what cost? Monday is literally in 20 minutes.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ซ has copied:

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? Iโ€™m so tired.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has viewed:

It’s so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ท has viewed:

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

Deleting university to focus on Twitter.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฏ has downloaded:

Guys with grey in their beards will do that thing you like.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡น has shared:

Meteorologist: Itโ€™s going to get even hotter. Me, on fire: WHAT?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has shared:

Having a good heart has done nothing but made me look stupid.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ป has shared:

Breaking News: Jenny on Facebook is having salad for dinner tonight.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has bookmarked:

I love how one day my body just decided โ€œYou know what you really need is some ear hair.โ€

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Spotted on Reddit:

It got weird when I thought both arm rests at the movie theatre were mine.

Making waves on Messenger:

Ratatouille is hilarious because the villain wasn’t even evil; he just didn’t want food cooked by rats?!?

Spotted on Twitch:

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, Iโ€™m just lazy.

Just shared via TikTok:

I used an air fryer for the first time tonight, and I feel like I just discovered fire.

Spotted on WeChat:

You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you’re full of energy and you can’t wait to get to work? Me neither!

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

Spotted on Telegram:

Dude so boring, itโ€™s like his personality swiped left on him.

Just landed via YouTube:

Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

Spotted on X:

The male urge to tell you what business used to be located there back in his day.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

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