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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

I told my wife the laundry on the couch ain’t gonna fold itself, so if y’all don’t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Humans were not meant to have this many passwords.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Sometimes the laugh is funnier than the joke itself.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Y’all smell that? A beautiful day that the Lord has made.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

When you say “You’re going to hate me for this,” you’re making a very large assumption that I don’t hate you already.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Absolutely destroyed my bed last night… I cuddled those covers so hard.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Catching me in person is rare. I move like a ghost.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

If he doesn’t like your fruit puns, you need to let that mango.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

4,067

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If you relate to me, get some help!

Broadcasted on TikTok:

The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.

Live now on Messenger:

Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I saw an ad for the ultimate dog bed, but my dogs already have the ultimate dog bed. It’s called my bed.

Making waves on Pinterest:

People think I forgot the shit they said. Ain’t no expiration date on disrespect.

Just landed via YouTube:

I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.” I’m like, look, we had one night of drunken shopping, we are not in a relationship.

Just landed via Threads:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Partying hard on this Friday night, and by partying hard, I mean laying on my bed starfish-style.

Shared recently on Reddit:

The closest thing I’ve had to a personal trainer is the ice cream truck that drove past my house.

I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like my scale is jacked into a lie detector… 🤥🔋➡️🤭📏🚫

again, bathroom, bathroom scale, battery, change, frustration, hate, honesty, humor, i, scale, telling, truth, weight

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.

0

2 months ago

connection, deep, humor, librarian, love, people, reading, shut, shut up, silence
Roses are red, violets are blue. Your parents are very disappointed in you.

0

2 months ago

disappointment, humor, parents, poetry, red, relationship, roses, roses are red, violets
I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

0

2 months ago

bouquet, catch, celebration, event, funeral, hope, humor, i, irony
“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

0

2 months ago

date, funny question, guy, hallucination, humor, question, relationship, seeing, someone, therapist, therapy
Of course women need more pockets, where are we supposed to hold all of our grudges?

0

2 months ago

course, fashion, grudges, hold, humor, need, pockets, stereotypes, where, women
I hate it when I’m at work and someone asks “are you at free at the moment?”. Please expand further so I can know if I’m free or not.

0

2 months ago

ask, expand, free, hate, humor, i, know, moment, someone, time, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Telegram this month:

My favorite part of Spring is its rolls.

67 shares on Slack this month:

Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 20 years, but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sorry, can you repeat what you said? I didn’t have my glasses on.

19 shares on Threads this month:

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

23 shares on TikTok this month:

Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

27 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

49 shares on Slack this month:

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Some people are so fake, their lock screens don’t recognize them.

73 shares on Telegram this month:

Hi, where do you meet someone without dating apps and if you never leave your apartment? I need tips, please. Urgently!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I have a question and my question is, how can I look so cute in the mirror but like such a baked potato in pictures?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Good morning to everyone except people that talk to the cashier about their entire day.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Not my room, not my elephant.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

I’m 27 and a half. I should be on my first divorce by now.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

You know you’re over 50 when you have “upstairs Ibuprofen” and “downstairs Ibuprofen”.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

My cat smells like cigarettes again and I’m sick of his excuses.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

You’re an adult if you’re happy every time the mailbox is empty.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Not leaving the house and not having contact with other people. The punishments of my childhood are now my hobbies.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

So stupid how New York is actually as cool as everyone says.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

Going viral on Discord:

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Jobs be asking me for 3 references, and I think I might start doing the same. Like, let me talk to 3 happy employees, please.

Shared recently on Telegram:

In your 20s, you will be tempted to prove that you’re doing well. It’s important you resist performing for an audience that isn’t watching.

Just shared via YouTube:

I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I did 30 minutes of chores, time for a 7-hour break.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

Just shared via Facebook:

I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

Trending via YouTube:

If I was an elephant, you’d all be sorry.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Go outside and let the rain do what your boyfriend can’t.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.

Roses are red, violets are blue. Your parents are very disappointed in you.

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

Of course women need more pockets, where are we supposed to hold all of our grudges?

I hate it when I’m at work and someone asks “are you at free at the moment?”. Please expand further so I can know if I’m free or not.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨