I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

44 shares on Reddit this month:

You can do laundry every day and still be behind on laundry.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

Once you find humor in any situation, you have nothing to fear.

28 shares on YouTube this month:

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

Interesting people are my favorite endangered species.

78 shares on Instagram this month:

Caught a belt loop on a door handle and got yanked back with such force that my audio is no longer in sync with my actions.

90 shares on Facebook this month:

Newborns cry because they’re being evicted.

33 shares on Facebook this month:

I have this ability where I can look at someone’s profile picture and determine whether they are evil or not.

14 shares on Reddit this month:

Addicted to bad posture like why is it so comfortable to sit like a cooked shrimp.

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

My favourite animal is me when I have money.

82 shares on Threads this month:

Scrolling the feed as a mature person, not judging anybody.