Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Gimme coffee or I’ll sleep amok!

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next thing you know, you’re staring out of a window for no reason.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary there either!

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

I’d change my name to laundry if it meant you’d think about doing me every day.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Tested positive for needing a kiss.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

334 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,603

Funny Quotes Topics

17,660

Funny Quotes Images

15,603

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,717

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

At my age, I see no good reason to act my age.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

Spotted on Slack:

My favorite things about Texas are definitely toast and chainsaw massacres.

Seen just now on Telegram:

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I’m no Hobbit, but I do often walk blindly into some rather dodgy situations.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Commenting “AI slop” on a high school acquaintance’s Instagram post of their newborn baby.

Making waves on Messenger:

When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Some people shop for designer heels. I shop for nonstop flight deals.

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, those bruises must have quite the active social life if they're not from getting lucky in love!

bruise, dating, funny observation, getting, getting laid, humor, laid, new, observation, relationship, self-deprecation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

2 months ago

drink, good, humor, irony, lying, lying down, man, moon, problem, put, relaxation, space, wine
I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

2 months ago

awareness, health, humor, i, know, mad, madness, mental, mental health, myself, self, self-awareness, self-talk, start, talk, talking, talking to myself
I lied, there’s no sex. I just need you to change the batteries in my smoke detectors.

4 months ago

battery, change, detector, excuse, humor, i, just, lie, need, relationship, sex, smoke, smoke detector
I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.

2 months ago

eat, exam, humor, i, means, paper, pass, pretty, school, soon, student, test
I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

3 months ago

asking, curtain, down to earth, Earth, expectations, humor, i, intimacy, just, me, over, relationship, shower, shower curtain, someone, touch, want
I googled my symptoms and it turns out I just need this election to be over.

2 months ago

anxiety, election, Google, googled, humor, i, just, need, over, politics, relief, symptoms

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

My parents still haven’t apologized for making me ugly.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

Gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme casual attire.

45 shares on Reddit this month:

Zen and the Art of Empty Pockets.

76 shares on Pinterest this month:

Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

44 shares on Reddit this month:

People my age are on baby #2, and I’m on drink #5.

70 shares on X this month:

After cooking show a dishwashing show with same host but kind of drunk.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

I apologize to my future son for the delay, but it’s just your mom ain’t replying.

32 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t think anything good will ever happen again until people feel bad about being stupid again.

86 shares on Telegram this month:

That awkward moment when someone you hate is breathing.

67 shares on Telegram this month:

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Trying to bribe Monday with coffee to get it to act like a Friday.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I wish I could get a bouquet of mozzarella sticks.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Forget being the bigger person, I’m going to just start barking at people.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I feel like an adult spelling bee would humble a lot of us.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I told you so. Kind regards, your gut feeling.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Every night, millions of teeth go unbrushed.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Microplastics are a waste of time. I go straight to eating whole packaging.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch!

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

Trending via Messenger:

I remember when a computer didn’t automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

Going viral on Instagram:

Maturity is when you realize money can actually buy happiness.

Trending via Reddit:

I don’t wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

If you want your kid to play with their toy just give it to your other kid. Follow me for more parenting hacks.

Trending via Discord:

Hey, I’ve been thinking, and I think you should think for me.

Going viral on Threads:

Single bells, single bells, single all the way. Oh, what fun it is to watch those couples fight all day, yay!

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

If you comment to say “No comment,” you have, in fact, commented.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

I lied, there’s no sex. I just need you to change the batteries in my smoke detectors.

I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.

I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

I googled my symptoms and it turns out I just need this election to be over.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨