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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself. I won’t be doing that again.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Me, literally climbing out of a dumpster: Can I give you some personal advice?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Onion rings? I’m answering.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Girl, you gotta try this healing potion. It’s called beer.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,882

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

Going viral on Threads:

No one is shocked when a defibrillator doesn’t work.

Just landed via Reddit:

There’s a famous ancient Chinese proverb, but it’s written in Chinese so I have no idea what it says.

Seen just now on X:

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

Trending via Telegram:

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Some call it flirting… I call it just being extra nice to someone who is extra attractive…

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

Shared recently on Discord:

Is my life this bad because I didn’t forward that email to 15 people back in 2007?

I have good problem-solving skills, but my problem-creating skills are where I really shine.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Solving mysteries one mistake at a time, but don't worry, I only create the best problems! 🤔✨😅

good, humor, i, problem creating, problem-solving, self-deprecation, shine, skill, skills, where, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Divorcing my wife to focus on my porn addiction.

0

2 months ago

addiction, divorce, divorce joke, focus, humor, joke, marriage, porn, porn addiction, relationship, wife
If I walk into a girl’s house and she got like 50 plants, I know she’s a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless things. What’s one more?

0

2 weeks ago

50, care, caretaker, girl, girls, got, house, humor, i, keeper, know, pet, plants, relationship, responsibility, things, useless, walk
Remember it’s Christmas. You need to check your elf before you wreck your shelf.

0

2 months ago

check, Christmas, elf, festive, holiday, humor, need, pun, remember, shelf
I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

0

2 months ago

distraction, humor, i, management, multi-tasking, multitasking, procrastinator, put, put off, things, time, time management
Has anyone lived long enough to buy a second bottle of Worcestershire sauce?

0

4 hours ago

anyone, bottle, buy, condiment, enough, expectancy, humor, life, life expectancy, lived, longevity, sauce, second, worcestershire, Worcestershire sauce
Hobbies include fake smiling while waiting for people to stop talking.

0

2 months ago

conversation, fake, fake smile, hobby, humor, patience, people, situation, smile, smiling, social, social situation, stop, talking, waiting

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Discord this month:

Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

66 shares on X this month:

The closest I’ve come to mastering a martial art is figuring out how to wash my feet in the shower.

30 shares on Instagram this month:

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

40 shares on Instagram this month:

I was really happy about it being Friday until I realized it was only Wednesday.

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

35 shares on YouTube this month:

Every time I watch “The Godfather”, I notice some new detail (they’re Italian???).

22 shares on YouTube this month:

Stop hating yourself for everything. Be specific.

57 shares on Slack this month:

I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

18 shares on Instagram this month:

I may regret the megabytes I’ve wasted, but I’ll never regret the megabites I’ve tasted.

99 shares on YouTube this month:

People should be able to call in healthy: “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.“

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Breaking up is fine, but logging me out of your Netflix is crazy.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Work beers should be a daily thing.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

My secret talent is turning any situation into a considerably more awkward one.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

If you push your belly button and nose at the same time, your brain takes a screenshot.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

The word “misread” can be misread as “misread.”

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Applying for jobs sometimes is wild, like how am I supposed to be passionate about a company I don’t even work for yet?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Just landed via YouTube:

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

Spotted on Instagram:

I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

Seen just now on WeChat:

People that never want to leave the house unite! Separately at our own homes.

Freshly posted on X:

It’s leg day. No, not at the gym, dummy. I’m shaving them.

Spotted on YouTube:

Aliens are gonna be super confused when they show up threatening to overthrow our leaders and we’re all stoked and offer to help.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I got one brain cell left and it moves around my head like a Windows screensaver.

Shared recently on Slack:

I’m not bothered if you don’t like me, awesomeness isn’t for everyone.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I have good problem-solving skills, but my problem-creating skills are where I really shine.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Divorcing my wife to focus on my porn addiction.

If I walk into a girl’s house and she got like 50 plants, I know she’s a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless things. What’s one more?

Remember it’s Christmas. You need to check your elf before you wreck your shelf.

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Has anyone lived long enough to buy a second bottle of Worcestershire sauce?

Hobbies include fake smiling while waiting for people to stop talking.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨