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Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

If you talk about astrology, and no one stops you, it means you must be incredibly pretty.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

They should invent more hobbies for people without skills or patience.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello.” My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Aliens traveled millions of light years to get here to visit New Jersey.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

There should be a Mad Max movie that reveals the world outside Australia has actually remained pretty normal.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

I took the road less traveled because I was hoping not to run into anyone I know along the way.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

What a strange day. And it has been for years.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

Spotted on Threads:

On a dare, my son sprayed deodorant in his mouth. Now he speaks with an Axe scent.

Trending via Telegram:

In contrast to the ship, the movie Titanic was quite well received in America.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

“What’s your ETA?” do you ask the birds in the sky when they will arrive.

Seen just now on Instagram:

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

Just shared via Discord:

Do you think the washing machine and the dryer are actual friends or just work friends?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I toss and turn in bed all night like a beautiful rotisserie chicken.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I love people who refuse to follow the crowd. The crowd is always lost, follow your inner compass.

Trending via WeChat:

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

I have good problem-solving skills, but my problem-creating skills are where I really shine.

7 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text highlighting humorous self-awareness about problem-solving and creating chaos.

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Commentary:
Solving mysteries one mistake at a time, but don't worry, I only create the best problems! 🤔✨😅

good, humor, i, problem creating, problem-solving, self-deprecation, shine, skill, skills, where, wit

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59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The best part of the relationship is before you meet them, and you’re single.

97 shares on Messenger this month:

I wonder how many new moms try to pick out a unique name for their baby only to later learn it’s the name of an antidepressant.

73 shares on Slack this month:

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

100 shares on Discord this month:

Sometimes, before bedtime, I fall asleep on the couch. It’s my little sleep appetizer… my nappetizer.

33 shares on TikTok this month:

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

90 shares on Slack this month:

The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it’s a potato with fur.

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Brainwashing is always considered terrible and horrible. But there are many brains that would benefit from a wash.

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m actually really good looking if you don’t look at me.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?

57 shares on Twitch this month:

I love to sleep, I wish I could get paid to sleep.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

I’m not lazy, I’m waiting for inspiration to hit me… should be here any time now.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

If we were both crows, I’d bring you shiny things.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Tired of my landlord depending on my rent. Bro, get a job.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

You can mess up big time letting someone know you have a printer.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

If she says “it’s fine,” you’re probably in trouble.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Penguins are just ducks going to a wedding.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Video games are great. They let you try out your craziest fantasies. For example, on The Sims, you can have a job and a house.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Only difference between me and someone in a psych ward is I’m outside.

Trending via Snapchat:

Basketball’s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Having an empty laundry basket is the best 5 seconds of my life.

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Activity Log ✨

I have good problem-solving skills, but my problem-creating skills are where I really shine.

Y’all smell that? A beautiful day that the Lord has made.

“It’s bikini season,” I whisper, eating another bikini.

There’s no filter on my pics or my thoughts. I’m just out here raw-dogging it.

I’m super lazy today. It’s like normal lazy but I’m wearing a cape.

Hey there, Delilah, what’s it like in new orc city?

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Wordgag ツ

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I have good problem-solving skills, but my problem-creating skills are where I really shine.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Y’all smell that? A beautiful day that the Lord has made.

“It’s bikini season,” I whisper, eating another bikini.

There’s no filter on my pics or my thoughts. I’m just out here raw-dogging it.

I’m super lazy today. It’s like normal lazy but I’m wearing a cape.

Hey there, Delilah, what’s it like in new orc city?

Taking a sip of beer and letting out a big “ahhhh” so the pregnant lady at the pool next to me knows what she’s missing.

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