I have good problem-solving skills, but my problem-creating skills are where I really shine.

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The first people who called chocolate a vegetable are the real heroes.

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The first thing you learn to draw in art school is money from your parents bank account.

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They’re called grown-ups because they groan every time they get up.

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The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

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I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.

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Group projects in school weren’t meant to teach you teamwork, they were meant to teach you how to deal with the incompetence of your coworkers in the workplace.

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So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out.

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It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

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Nothing hits harder than opening the fridge for the fifth time, hoping new food magically appeared.

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You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.