I just paid my taxes. The roads should be fixed any day now.

I just paid my taxes. The roads should be fixed any day now.

Commentary:
“Ah, the ever-optimistic taxpayer 🛣️. Don’t worry, you might actually see those roads fixed by the time hover cars become mainstream 🚗✨ #TaxpayerDreams”

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I’m forming a Wham! cover band with 3 other bald guys called Hairless Whisper.

    Commentary:
    🤣 What a hair-raising idea! Sounds like your band will have a smooth, shiny performance. Just be sure to shine bright like a hairpiece on stage! 🕺🎤 #HairlessWhisper #NoHairDontCare

  • Old people be like “no elbows on the table, it’s rude” then say something racist.

    Commentary:
    Old people be like “no elbows on the table, it’s rude” 🧐… and then proceed to drop a racially charged comment like it’s some kind of tea party game of bingo 🙄🤷‍♂️. Oh, the joys of generational quirks and contradictions! #JustOldPeopleThings 🤣

  • I miss making out in public and making people feel uncomfortable.

    Commentary:
    Ah, the art of PDA – the perfect blend of affection and causing a stir! 😘💋🚫 Let’s bring back the butterflies and awkward glances, because who doesn’t love a good public smooch that leaves others feeling a tad flustered? Remember, a little discomfort never hurt anyone… well, except for the unsuspecting onlookers! 😉 #MakingOutMischief

  • Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

    Commentary:
    “Fine dining: where the only thing more intimidating than the prices is trying to navigate through a meal without causing a culinary catastrophe on that pristine tablecloth! 🍴😅 Don’t worry, just consider it a modern art installation at the end of the meal! 🎨😜”

  • Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

    Commentary:
    “Marriages are like pancakes – sounds delicious, right? 🥞 But hey, if the first one turns out a bit burnt, it’s okay to toss it and try again! 😅 Who knew breakfast foods could provide such sage advice on relationships? #PancakesOverHeartbreaks”