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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Some people peak in high school. I peaked when I realized I never had to see them again.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

I wonder if this next thunderstorm is thinking of me, too.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

I absolutely loooooove getting in the bed. The excitement of finally laying down? Unmatched.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

The people that ask Grok everything are the same people that follow Google Map directions straight into a lake.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Does my career know that I’m pursuing it, or is it another one-sided relationship?

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

The ‘b’ in ‘subtle’ totally is.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

Making waves on X:

I would like to be reincarnated as less tired.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

Just landed via Pinterest:

Asked a German girl for her number, and I’m still waiting for the rest of the digits. So far, all I have is “nine.”

Spotted on Discord:

No, I don’t like nature. I can’t respect anything that would so flippantly turn dinosaurs into birds.

Making waves on WeChat:

Everything will kill you so pick something fun.

Just landed via Messenger:

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved staying up really late, hanging out with myself, and thinking about stuff and things.

Just shared via Slack:

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

Going viral on Telegram:

They don’t put cars in malls anymore, like they used to.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck.

I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I think he would’ve been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
He’d definitely have the pipes singing hallelujah! 🚰😄🙏

better, carpenter, humor, i, Jesus, joke, know, plumber, religion, thing, think, water

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Crazy how many organs in your body are dedicated to the poopification of dinner.

0

4 weeks ago

body, crazy, digestion, dinner, humor, organ, organs, poop
“I’m interested in the divorce rate for couples who sleep in queen versus king beds.”

0

2 weeks ago

bed, bed size, beds, couple, couples, divorce, divorce rate, interested, king, king bed, marriage, queen, queen bed, rate, relationship, size, sleep
Not arguing with people anymore, I’m just gonna say “it makes sense that you would think that”.

0

2 months ago

arguing, communication, humor, just, people, sarcasm, say, sense, think
Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

0

2 months ago

before, humor, i, me, myself, relationship, self-improvement, unhinged, work
I don’t wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

0

2 months ago

drama, dramatic, humor, i, life, restarting, routine, ruining, week, work, work week
If you don’t have a favorite spatula yet, you still have some growing up to do.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, cooking, favorite, growing, growing up, humor, kitchen, spatula, still

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Telegram this month:

I bought a book on Feng Shui, but I don’t know where to put it.

32 shares on Messenger this month:

No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

82 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m a red flag, but the material is quality.

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

14 shares on YouTube this month:

The fatigue is reaching levels that shouldn’t even be possible.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

The sexual tension when everyone arrives at a 4-way stop at the same time.

44 shares on X this month:

Cupid’s arrow should have just killed me instead.

63 shares on TikTok this month:

Cats are probably like: Oh, I should follow you on Litterboxd.

39 shares on Messenger this month:

Good morning to everyone except those who need approval from strangers on the internet.

71 shares on Facebook this month:

I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

It’s so important to have people in your life who expand your snack horizons.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

“You let your cat on the bed?” I would put her on my life insurance.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Some days you’re the shit and some days you’re the fan.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Halloween is the only day you can ghost someone and blame it on being festive.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Ever since I was young, I wanted to check my email for a verification code.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

I like people who make eye contact like they know something I don’t.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

Shared recently on Reddit:

That moment when you’re reading but realize you forgot to understand.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Whenever someone says “Per ChatGPT” or “ChatGPT says,” I look at them like they just consulted a magic 8 ball because, please, stop playing with me.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?

Shared recently on YouTube:

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

Breaking via Threads:

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

Spotted on Telegram:

“It is what it is,” I say, not really knowing what it actually is.

Making waves on YouTube:

I bet oiling and wrapping potatoes in aluminum foil feels so good for the potato.

Seen just now on WeChat:

People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I think he would’ve been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Crazy how many organs in your body are dedicated to the poopification of dinner.

“I’m interested in the divorce rate for couples who sleep in queen versus king beds.”

Not arguing with people anymore, I’m just gonna say “it makes sense that you would think that”.

Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

I don’t wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

If you don’t have a favorite spatula yet, you still have some growing up to do.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨