Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Killing with kindness is a murder by compliments.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

This email could’ve been sex.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

The downside of common sense is, having to deal with those that lack it.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Family fistfights brought to you by Monopoly.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Having a toddler is wild. I’m getting breaking news about Peppa Pig.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

A man rejecting my advances can’t hurt me. I have a dog who leaves the bed every time I climb in.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

If you ever think English is not a weird language just remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme. But read and lead don’t rhyme, and neither do read and lead.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

The concept of hot water showers feeling so good but not actually being good for your hair or skin is disgusting.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

I’ve faced more peer pressure to watch certain TV shows than to do drugs.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,762

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Facebook:

When you’re a child, you want to be a teenager. When you’re a teenager, you want to be an adult. When you’re an adult, you want to be a cat.

Trending via Reddit:

It’s called Boxing Day because you’re supposed to spend it eating boxes.

Seen just now on Discord:

My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

Making waves on Facebook:

People my age are raising children, and I’m just here trying to bribe myself with treats into doing my own chores.

Just landed via TikTok:

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

Trending via Snapchat:

Windmill? Big fan.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Becoming a DJ, but only because I like to impose my will and preferences upon the masses.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’m so old, I still drink my coffee at home in the morning. From a real cup.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I caught your husband cheating on you at an Alanis concert, and thought you, you, you oughta know.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Nobody can ragebait as successfully as your own mother can.

I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I think he would’ve been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing.

1 month ago

Humorous text imagining Jesus as a plumber instead of a carpenter.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
He’d definitely have the pipes singing hallelujah! 🚰😄🙏

better, carpenter, humor, i, Jesus, joke, know, plumber, religion, thing, think, water

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you started eating chips.

40 shares on Telegram this month:

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

69 shares on Messenger this month:

More foods should have boats, why should gravy have all the fun?

97 shares on YouTube this month:

What if you went to ET’s planet and all of the other ET’s were wearing clothes?

75 shares on Instagram this month:

Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

At a job interview: think of me as the rightful heir to the throne.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

Less is more, unless it’s kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

75 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

48 shares on Discord this month:

Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.

65 shares on Twitch this month:

My theory is that women’s voices contain frequencies that men simply can’t hear.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

Golf would be more exciting to watch if they played naked.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Imagine you get to the gates of heaven and they make you download an app to go in.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Praying none of y’all are unwrapping podcast equipment.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please make it study.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

“Stop overthinking.” Oh, wow. Hadn’t considered that. Solved.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Facebook:

Twitter is like talking to yourself in public and some random dude walking by agrees with you.

Just landed via Threads:

I don’t dress for women. I don’t dress for men. I dress for the weather, mainly.

Spotted on Threads:

Divorcing my wife to focus on my porn addiction.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

The 69 obsession turning into 67 is a recession indicator.

Trending via Reddit:

They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you’re about to run out.

Going viral on Messenger:

My sleeping pattern ain’t even a pattern anymore, it’s a freestyle that’s on shuffle.

Just landed via Slack:

People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.

Going viral on Reddit:

We need an app where introverts can pay extroverts to make phone calls for them.

Going viral on Instagram:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I think he would’ve been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be turning you into a poem.

Unfortunately, I am literally obsessed with the woman I am when I get stuff done, so I’m just going to keep doing that.

Any cults got something wild planned anytime soon? I’m trying to find the good estate sales.

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I think he would’ve been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be turning you into a poem.

Unfortunately, I am literally obsessed with the woman I am when I get stuff done, so I’m just going to keep doing that.

Any cults got something wild planned anytime soon? I’m trying to find the good estate sales.

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨