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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Potato chips ARE vegetables! I exclaim as I tear open the third bag.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

I don’t care if my parents are disappointed in me, I’m not impressed by them either.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

That strange moment when you are trying to be serious, but then you accidentally smile.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

May your coffee kick in, before reality does.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I eat posts like yours for breakfast.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Shopping is the only exercise I need.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

I’m a little too self-aware to enjoy life, and a little too delusional to give up.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Once I find a dragon, y’all are toast.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

780 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,942

Funny Quotes Topics

13,915

Funny Quotes Images

10,942

29 minutes ago

3,431

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Twitch:

Ever read something so magnificently stupid that you have to just stare into space for a little while and reconcile with your brain for having been subjected to it?

Shared recently on Instagram:

You want me to turn around? The thing that led to a total eclipse of the heart.

Live now on Instagram:

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

Just shared via Messenger:

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

Breaking via TikTok:

Born to be quiet and mysterious, forced to yap whenever I get the chance.

Breaking via Snapchat:

If you hide the Easter eggs while you’re drunk, nobody knows where they are.

Freshly posted on X:

Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.

Going viral on TikTok:

Quit keeping your enemies closer. No wonder you feel like shit.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Tip on how best to start a conversation with me: Not at all.

Just shared via Slack:

Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing?

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

6 months ago

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🍷🐱 "I admire this ambitious cat who is determined to become a connoisseur of fine wines! It's purr-fectly logical – let her sniff, swirl, and sip her way to a sommelier career! Who knows, maybe one day she'll be the one bringing home the bacon… or should I say bringing home the chardon-meow! 😸🍷"

cat, drink, drinking, every, help, humor, i, job, let, pay, pet, rent, smell, sommelier, wine

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

780 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,942

Funny Quotes Topics

13,915

Funny Quotes Images

10,942

29 minutes ago

3,443

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Establish dominance by eating a salad in front of your indoor plants.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Many greetings from my coffee. Y’all are talking too much again.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

No one shoots at your feet and tells you to dance anymore.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Ouija boards are like unannounced phone calls for ghosts.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Twitch:

I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

Reported on Slack:

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

Making waves on Slack:

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

Seen just now on Telegram:

When I get the vibe from someone that fitting in is super important to them my first instinct is to bite them.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

Making waves on Facebook:

Returning to Twitter is like coming back to a dysfunctional family.

Spotted on X:

My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I would like to have the peace of mind of a cow. I already have the body.

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