Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I had a good haircut.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

There’s two sides to every story, and then there’s these screenshots I got.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Twitter is a weapon of mass distraction.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

If someone leaves your life, it’s often because the actor playing them is getting cancelled in the real world.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

The “Wooooooooo” track from sitcoms should play whenever you kiss someone in real life.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,584

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

I’m starting to think the real hell is just being stuck in an infinite loop of self-doubt and bad life choices.

Shared recently on Telegram:

All arguments are solvable. The trick? Get naked.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I feel so discombobulated when supermarkets switch up the aisles without texting me first.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Surely, this is the hangover that will teach me my lesson.

Shared recently on Facebook:

If you don’t like me, remember: it’s mind over matter. I don’t mind, and you don’t matter.

Making waves on Instagram:

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I can’t wait to go to bed, get terrible sleep, and wake up exhausted with a sore back.

Live now on Slack:

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I am not old. I am in the prime of my decay.

Freshly posted on Threads:

That thing they say about getting drunk with the love of your life in a walkable city is no joke. It hits like crack.

I let my girl wear whatever because you’re staring, and I’m hittin’ that.

3 hours ago

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Commentary:
Eye candy for you, buffet for me! 😎🍬

attraction, fashion, flirting, girl, humor, i, jealousy, let, relationship, staring, wear, whatever

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

2 months ago

cooking, cry, day, humor, kitchen, motivation, onion, onions
I’m not fragile like a flower. I’m fragile like a bomb.

2 months ago

bomb, comparison, flower, fragile, humor, irony, toughness
They don’t put cars in malls anymore, like they used to.

3 months ago

car, cars, humor, mall, nostalgia, put, shopping, used
On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

2 months ago

advice, bad, bad advice, bar, candy, full, full size bar, Halloween, humor, joke, last, size, supply, treat, trick, trick or treat
I know my limits. I don’t always obey them, but I know them.

3 months ago

always, boundary, growth, humor, i, know, knowledge, limits, obedience, obey, personal, personal growth, self-awareness
Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

2 months ago

confidence, earlier, humor, i, insult, insulting, me, myself, sarcasm, self, self-talk, wit, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

62 shares on Instagram this month:

Wanna go back to my place and meow at each other?

55 shares on Threads this month:

How much longer do we have to keep pretending that Pilates isn’t a sex thing?

63 shares on YouTube this month:

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

80 shares on X this month:

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here’s a coffee and a million dollars.”

74 shares on TikTok this month:

Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.

14 shares on TikTok this month:

I think I look pretty okay for my age. It’s just when I hold menus two feet from my face that I know the ruse is up.

57 shares on Messenger this month:

I need an app that deletes my number from other people’s phones.

12 shares on Reddit this month:

Ever since I turned 20, someone is always in Japan or Italy. Is it like this forever?

100 shares on Reddit this month:

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Don’t be alarmed at my semicolon usage; I’m a professional.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

“You’re so understanding,” yeah, because I don’t want to go to prison for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

My ideal man is a kindhearted little freak.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

“Boy, you made these perimenopausal ovaries come back to life,” – me flirting.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Hanging out with your parents as an adult is so interesting, cause it’s like, “Oh, so that’s why I’m like this.”

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

I like it when it’s raining, because I can hold my umbrella really low and it makes everyone headless.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

We need a true crime show called Downtown Stabby.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

To be fair, a dumpster is like one of the safest places to have a fire.

Just landed via Discord:

There’s a guy who thinks he’s going to Yale, but it’s jail.

Making waves on YouTube:

They should invent a life where I know what I’m doing.

Live now on Threads:

They should invent crushes that like you back.

Just landed via X:

Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner? Me: Wine and unresolved issues. They pair nicely.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I’ve never seen a Cybertruck with anyone in the passenger seat.

Shared recently on Twitch:

If at first you don’t succeed, the internet will let you know immediately.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I let my girl wear whatever because you’re staring, and I’m hittin’ that.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

I’m not fragile like a flower. I’m fragile like a bomb.

They don’t put cars in malls anymore, like they used to.

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

I know my limits. I don’t always obey them, but I know them.

Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨