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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

I received my electricity bill. I think they billed me for sunlight, divine light, and the light at the end of the tunnel.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

I’m starting to think the real hell is just being stuck in an infinite loop of self-doubt and bad life choices.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

The term “domestic housewife” implies the existence of a feral housewife and that is what I aspire to be.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Is my life this bad because I didn’t forward that email to 15 people back in 2007?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,535

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

Maybe in another universe, I punched him in the face instead of staying quiet.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Carefully choosing which wine to pair with a McRib.

Making waves on YouTube:

Girls be like, “I know a spot,” then sacrifice you under the full moon.

Spotted on Facebook:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Breaking via Messenger:

If Kanye got hacked, no one would even know.

Just landed via YouTube:

You can tell it’s desperate times the way spam messages have gone from fantasies like ‘I am a prince and I want to give you money’ to ‘I am an HR manager and I have a real job for you!’

Spotted on Facebook:

Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

By the time I remember to text back, it be too disrespectful to even do it.

Going bananas on Facebook:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I hate when the iPhone corrects ‘Omw’ to ‘On my way!’. Man, I am not that excited.

I love when people say, “It is what it is,” like they just discovered stoicism.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah yes, the profound wisdom of t-shirt philosophy strikes again! 🧐👕✨

cliché, humor, i, just, love, mindset, people, philosophy, phrase, sarcasm, say, saying, stoicism

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

0

2 months ago

brevity, Christianity, humor, joke, kama, Kama Sutra, page, religion, religious, religious satire, satire, sexuality, sutra
Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

0

2 months ago

breathe, carbon, carbon dioxide, dioxide, humor, i, nature, plants, remember, reminder, self-worth, useless
Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

0

2 months ago

consequence, domestic, domestic life, doorbell, electrician, electrocution, fixing, got, hear, hearing, hearing thoughts, humor, i, life, mishap, relationship, should, thinking, thoughts, unexpected, unexpected consequence, while
Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

0

6 months ago

account, days, exercise, fitness, gym, humor, motivation, routine, row, workout
I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.

0

2 months ago

actually, away, back, communication, forget, forgot, head, humor, i, misunderstanding, never, procrastination, reply, right, saw, social, technology, text, texting, type
I’m like … if parking too far away from the curb was a person.

0

2 months ago

away, curb, driving, habit, humor, observation, parking, parking habit, person, sarcastic, too

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve never really had a beach body, but my snowman body is coming along quite nicely.

29 shares on X this month:

The sandwich I made for lunch didn’t even make it until 10am.

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

My dad called my philosophy degree a “license for unemployment.”

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

You look like you suck at Mario Kart.

93 shares on Slack this month:

I love hard, but I stupid harder.

58 shares on Reddit this month:

Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean that it ain’t gonna be a hell of a lot of fun.

90 shares on WeChat this month:

This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

13 shares on Slack this month:

It’s almost time to put away my black summer clothes and bring out my black fall clothes.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

59 shares on Telegram this month:

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but I was unhinged way before it was cool.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the more I lose my looks. But I’m also losing my eyesight, so it’s not my problem.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

You can’t stop me. My tampon wrapper told me I was bold and brilliant.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Goodbye, August, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

I love when people start getting filler, and instead of looking younger, it’s just like okay, your face is getting really, really big in all directions.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Has someone told the whales that they can’t sing?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Would have started saving money in kindergarten if I knew my life was like this.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Umbrellas are great if you only want to get wet sideways.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

“You look nervous” Thanks, I’ve been practicing my whole life.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

Just shared via Messenger:

“I’m just playing devil’s advocate here.” Ok, why are you helping the devil?

Spotted on Pinterest:

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

Just landed via Snapchat:

According to the BMI chart, I am too short.

Shared recently on Discord:

“Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” is now 40 years old. If you have an earworm now, you also have back pain.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

“Delusional” ain’t a strong enough word to describe people anymore.

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m not bothered if you don’t like me, awesomeness isn’t for everyone.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I love when people say, “It is what it is,” like they just discovered stoicism.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.

I’m like … if parking too far away from the curb was a person.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨