Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Hate when you’re trying to take a nap and the dentist is all “Please open your mouth.”

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

“Are you sexually active?” Dude, I’m not even socially active.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

If you need time alone, just announce that you need help cleaning the cats litter box.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

I have tasted sending long paragraphs, and I have tasted saying OK. I highly recommend saying OK.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Gonna go walk the beach and stare annoyingly at couples. May even growl as I pass by.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,646

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Aura farming in front of old people by not listening to music nor checking my phone.

Just landed via Pinterest:

My phone storage is full so I guess it’s time to delete the 27 second video I took of a spiderweb four years ago.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I need an emergency cheeseburger.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Don’t ruin a good sundress by wearing panties.

Just landed via Instagram:

I found out my wife was cheating on me at a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert, and I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I have a very active anti-social life.

Just landed via Slack:

Me summer vacation planning: I’m going to Europe. Bank account: You’re going camping.

Shared recently on Reddit:

A chocolate advent calendar is a test of restraint that I simply do not have.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Might start signing off emails with, “But what do I know.”

Trending via Snapchat:

Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

I miss my bed. Why does it have to be so far from where I work?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Relatable! If my bed were any closer, my office would be suspicious of my "nap productivity metrics" 😴💤🔍

bed, commute, distance, frustration, humor, i, longing, miss, sleep, where, why, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

0

2 months ago

coping, duct, duct tape, holding, humor, laughter, life, life struggles, resilience, sarcasm, struggles, tape, together, wit
It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.

0

2 months ago

attitude, card, cards, game, got, hand, hidden, humor, humor quote, luck, metaphor, play, skill, strategy
“Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.

0

2 months ago

confusion, consciousness, existential, experience, good, humor, i, primate, turn, well
Missed garbage day today, if you’re looking for a bad boy that doesn’t play by the rules.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad boy, boy, day, garbage, garbage day, humor, looking, management, mischief, missed, play, rebellious, rules, today, waste, waste management
New email opener just dropped: “I am interested in bothering you!”

0

2 months ago

am, bother, bothering, communication, dropped, email, humor, i, interest, just, new, opener
A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

0

2 months ago

end, fundraising, humor, hunger, jar, media, satire, social, social media, swear, swear jar, Twitter, world, world hunger

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on TikTok this month:

Waffles are just pancakes with abs.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

Them: “Ugh, could you be more annoying?” Me: “Oh God, yes!”

16 shares on X this month:

No better feeling than getting home and realizing you forgot the one thing you went out for.

11 shares on Reddit this month:

Someone asked me if I had any hobbies and I panicked and said “lasagna”.

67 shares on Threads this month:

My girlfriend? You wouldn’t know her, she’s in a different data center.

20 shares on Discord this month:

I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

68 shares on Pinterest this month:

I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’

94 shares on Discord this month:

It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

Any day now, there will be a child born and named Labubu.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

I drink all this water and for what. Just to pee? This planet is a prison.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Opening a bakery and calling it “I’m a crepe. I’m a weird dough.”

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Whenever І wake up and see that someone has wrіtten a bunch of funny posts before noon, І assume they are a mornіng drіnker.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

My goal for this year is just to make sure the aliens know I’m on their side.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

She was unique, like a millennial that could drive a stick shift.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

The best part about having a crush is when they crush all your hopes and dreams.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Twitter needs a button that’s “bring back that tweet I was just starting to read before you automatically refreshed.”

Seen just now on WeChat:

Okay, this is getting ridiculous. It can’t just be the one guy. It’s gotta be a group of people pooping my son’s diaper.

Shared recently on Messenger:

At some point in life, you graduate from Family Guy to American Dad.

Trending via Threads:

TMZ will find out you’re dead before you do.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I hope this email kills us both.

Just landed via WeChat:

Big decision to make? Sleep on it. Have a nightmare. Then you’ll be operating on pure adrenaline and will choose more quickly.

Just landed via Discord:

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

Trending via Instagram:

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

“I’m sure it’ll turn up” – Translation: I’m bored of helping you look.

Making waves on Telegram:

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I miss my bed. Why does it have to be so far from where I work?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.

“Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.

Missed garbage day today, if you’re looking for a bad boy that doesn’t play by the rules.

New email opener just dropped: “I am interested in bothering you!”

A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨