Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

How does spaghetti know that I’m wearing light-colored clothes?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I set up a Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

I’m writing a book on the joys of drinking beer. So far I’ve been through a lot of drafts.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Beginning my getting out of bed journey this morning.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Idea: An app that tells you where that bruise came from.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

My favorite dinner is the one made by someone else.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Misses Claus only married Santa because of his big sack.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

I like to push myself out of my comfort zone by sometimes sitting on the other end of my sofa.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,292

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

Happy to report that “what time is it/time for you to get a watch” is still being used by the youths.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Can someone write me a note to get out of being a responsible adult?

Spotted on Twitch:

I’ve learned two important things in life, I can’t remember the first one, but the second one is to write everything down.

Seen just now on X:

Everybody’s back hurts until it’s time to have sexy time.

Trending via WhatsApp:

What’s it called when you mentally want to be horny but you’re physically not at all?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

Spotted on Threads:

Unfortunately, I don’t give ugly men a chance, because they wouldn’t give me one if I were the ugly one.

Going bananas on Instagram:

“I’m gonna decide everyone’s pronouns and sexuality tonight. And, yes, there will be some big surprises.”

Just landed via YouTube:

Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

Just shared via Messenger:

The rain is pouring. So naturally it’s a good day to eat 6 donuts.

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
As an amateur carpenter, I can confirm: beds are known to suffer from performance anxiety! 🛏️🔨😅

aesthetics, bed, beds, carpenter, furniture, great, humor, i, need, remember, sex, squeak, squeaking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I assume my soulmate has sold his soul to the devil.

0

2 months ago

assume, devil, humor, i, irony, sold, soul, soulmate, supernatural
It’s okay to embarrass yourself a little in the pursuit of human connection.

0

2 months ago

awkwardness, connection, embarrass, embarrassment, human, human connection, humor, interaction, little, okay, pursuit, relationship, self, social, social interaction, yourself
At the dispensary asking which strain will stop the yearning.

0

2 months ago

asking, cannabis, dispensary, humor, longing, question, stop, strain, yearning
Pouring rain, football on TV, empty house; the stuff dreams are made of.

0

2 months ago

activity, dream, dreams, empty, empty house, football, house, indoor, indoor activity, leisure, rain, relaxation, stuff, television, TV
I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad idea, communication, crayon, creativity, frustration, humor, i, idea, patience, show
Don’t scare me, I fart easily.

0

2 months ago

comedy, easily, fart, fear, humor, i, joke, lighthearted, me, scare

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Instagram this month:

If I was God, I would’ve equipped women with venom glands.

77 shares on YouTube this month:

The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

22 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

78 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

30s: Oh look, a dance floor! 50s: Oh look, a couch!

39 shares on Facebook this month:

This is the fastest December in the history of all December.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

I wonder what the part of my brain that used to store people’s phone numbers is doing now.

64 shares on Threads this month:

I hate apps that shut off your music when you open them, like how fu*king important do you think you are?

96 shares on Instagram this month:

The worst part about borrowing money is having to pay it back or move to a new city.

68 shares on X this month:

Sometimes it’s not a secret, it’s just none of your business.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Don’t put words in my mouth—that’s where the hot dogs go.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

I was in a good mood until I realized not only was it not Friday it wasn’t even Thursday.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

My rapper name would be 2 stressd.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Everyone’s a gangster until they see a rainbow.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Which one are you, the liar or the loser?

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WhatsApp:

Can you put some pants on my voodoo doll and pop some money in the pocket, please?

Just landed via Twitch:

I treat people the way I want to be treated by not leaving the house.

Shared recently on Instagram:

If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?

Just landed via Threads:

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

Just landed via Threads:

It is not without reason that all telescopes searching for intelligent life are pointed away from Earth.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.

Freshly posted on X:

Why did they have to bleep out everything R2D2 said?

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Anything can be a dating app if you aren’t a coward.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Time travel is all well and good, but I feel so stupid right now. None of them have the mustache. No way to tell which baby is Hitler.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I assume my soulmate has sold his soul to the devil.

It’s okay to embarrass yourself a little in the pursuit of human connection.

At the dispensary asking which strain will stop the yearning.

Pouring rain, football on TV, empty house; the stuff dreams are made of.

I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

Don’t scare me, I fart easily.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨