Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Having a good heart has done nothing but made me look stupid.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

I enjoy the freedom of speech, because if you let crazy people talk, they’ll totally tell you they’re crazy.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Happiness is an inside job.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Monetizing Twitter was actually the worst thing to happen to this app. Everybody rage-baiting for 23 cents.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I always have a bad connection in my head when someone tries to explain a card or board game to me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,470

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Imagine going to see a situationship in 1868, and you go outside, and your horse is dead as hell.

Making waves on Slack:

If someone leaves your life, it’s often because the actor playing them is getting cancelled in the real world.

Just shared via Snapchat:

No need for a Halloween costume this year because there’s nothing scarier than being in your mid-20s and not knowing who you are or what you want to do anymore.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Of course, I also put my mobile down from time to time. For example, when someone tries to call me.

Shared recently on Slack:

It’s awesome when people honk at you for not moving when you’re letting people cross. You’re right, bro, I should just annihilate this family of four.

Shared recently on X:

Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.

Just shared via Twitch:

If I’m gonna jingle your bells, I’m definitely gonna jingle them all the way.

Making waves on Telegram:

I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

One of the most underrated benefits of having a cat is that you get another creature to look around in confusion with you when you hear a random loud-ass noise in the middle of the night.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Student life is all about convincing your parents that you are studying, convincing your friends that you are not, and convincing yourself that you’ll study from tomorrow.

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
As an amateur carpenter, I can confirm: beds are known to suffer from performance anxiety! 🛏️🔨😅

aesthetics, bed, beds, carpenter, furniture, great, humor, i, need, remember, sex, squeak, squeaking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

0

2 months ago

alcoholic, alcoholic beverage, beverage, blood, Blood of Mannaroth, dew, drink, fantasy, green, green drink, humor, i, mannaroth, mix, mixing, mixing drink, mountain, Mountain Dew, nickname, orc, used, vodka
If anything I post makes you mad, just know that it pleases me.

0

2 months ago

anything, attitude, confidence, humor, i, just, know, mad, me, media, post, provoking, sarcasm, self-expression, social, social media, trolling
It seems a little unfair that the people who want to go to bed have to put the people to bed who don’t want to go to bed.

0

5 days ago

bed, bedtime, bedtime conflict, bedtime routine, bedtime struggle, child, conflict, little, parenthood, people, put, routine, seems, sleep, struggle, unfair, unfairness, want
Water bottle leaking in your bag is a top 10 worst experience.

0

4 months ago

bag, bottle, experience, inconvenience, leak, leaking, top, water, water bottle, worst, worst experience
I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

0

2 months ago

afford, cutbacks, employed, employment, financial, financial struggle, hire, humor, i, irony, job, job market, market, me, money, right, self, self employment, self-employed, struggle, thinking
Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

0

2 months ago

asked, doing, favorite, hobby, humor, i, laziness, leisure, me, nothing, relaxation, self-reflection, someone

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

56 shares on YouTube this month:

Every room can be a room with a view when I’m in it.

63 shares on Discord this month:

I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys.

22 shares on Instagram this month:

I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

17 shares on TikTok this month:

There should be a Mad Max movie that reveals the world outside Australia has actually remained pretty normal.

92 shares on Slack this month:

Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

43 shares on TikTok this month:

The females who don’t go through phones will definitely find out through dreams.

16 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.

44 shares on YouTube this month:

The nice thing about getting older is that you don’t even have to be drunk to fall in the bushes.

44 shares on Reddit this month:

The Gen Z stare. The millennial pause. Instead, let’s talk about the boomer inappropriate personal question.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Toothache and heartache comes from the same thing, which is something sweet.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Wanted to report a YouTube video, but there is no option for “Cringe”, so I just picked “Terrorism”.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

The moon landing was faked. They actually went to Mars, and I can prove it.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

I’m fighting for free speech. Mine, not yours, so be quiet.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I apologize to my future son for the delay, but it’s just your mom ain’t replying.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

My favorite part of leaving the house is looking forward to going home.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

And to my grandchildren, I leave my unread PDFs.

Spotted on X:

Wanted to update everybody on my diet. I’ve decided it’s okay to be fat.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Stay up till 4 a.m. one night, and your sleep schedule is ruined for the next 4 years.

Going viral on Messenger:

The older I get, the more I realize how much I love being at home, doing nothing.

Freshly posted on Discord:

All I care about is being financially stable and getting sexier.

Freshly posted on X:

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

Making waves on Messenger:

Spring is what we call the time in between complaining about the cold and complaining about the heat.

Just landed via Twitch:

Old and bitter feels much better than I thought it would.

Trending via Threads:

I may not be the smartest or most athletic man in the world. There’s no second part to this, keep scrolling.

Just landed via Twitch:

When they dress up really nice, but all you can think about is the thrill of taking it off.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

If anything I post makes you mad, just know that it pleases me.

It seems a little unfair that the people who want to go to bed have to put the people to bed who don’t want to go to bed.

Water bottle leaking in your bag is a top 10 worst experience.

I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨