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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

As a student, the most comforting words you’ll ever hear are “I haven’t started either.”

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Called off work. Feeling fat and wearing jeans.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Flex on strangers by asking them if they remember you.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

I don’t wanna brag, but I’ve been told I’m micro-management material.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,286

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

I’m actually pretty attractive, if you don’t compare me to anyone, ever.

Seen just now on Messenger:

A cheat code to adulting is to always have something to look forward to, no matter how small or big.

Spotted on Facebook:

I don’t need your flipping advice, I am capable of ruining my life on my own.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they’re having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I’m gonna start telling men I know a spot and it’s just me dropping them off at therapy.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Making waves on WeChat:

All day I think about sleep but when it’s time to go to bed I don’t wanna.

Seen just now on TikTok:

What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’?

Just landed via Reddit:

Forget tagging friends, I want to be able to tag my enemies.

Breaking via Pinterest:

My kid asked where babies come from and I said everywhere, man, they’re worldwide.

I predict the next world war will be artificial intelligence versus genuine stupidity.

Witty quote about AI versus stupidity, humorous and thought-provoking text on a colorful background.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
🤖🧠 vs. 😇😜: Place your bets, folks! My money's on stupidity for its ability to never learn its lesson!

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Threads this month:

Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.

81 shares on Slack this month:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

32 shares on WeChat this month:

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

69 shares on WeChat this month:

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

80 shares on Telegram this month:

Hugging helps break the tension with strangers in elevators.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I’m ever murdered, I don’t want two women with a podcast solving the case in their spare time.

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?

35 shares on Twitch this month:

Taylor Swift should write a song about people who don’t return their shopping carts to the corrals.

100 shares on Facebook this month:

My dream car is a taco truck.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

That pile of clothes on my bed, seems to have strange powers and gets higher on its own.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I disagree with my politics.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Good morning everyone, who feels like working today? I promise I’ll let you do my job.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Mud season creeps up on us every year, destroying hearts and minds as well as light grey carpeting.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The thing I’ve always found tricky about money is knowing how much I should have.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to be cool, but now I just can’t wait to get on the couch by 7 p.m., in my pajamas, with a quilted blanket.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Caffeine: the adult version of fairy dust.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,630

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

It really cannot be overstated how many of your problems disappear once you have a beautiful woman who is in love with you.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, clearly never paid for a divorce.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

I can be social. Today I meowed at my cat and he meowed back.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

At my size, I’d be called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

I used to be sad about the climate apocalypse, but I went on a few dates and, honestly, I’m ready now.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

The dude who invented the autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

What would you do if you were in my situation right now? The situation being that I’m drunk.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

“Still gangsta” I whisper to myself as I drink my chamomile tea with a heating pad on my back.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Due to inflation, you can now eat food that has been on the floor for up to 7.3 seconds.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Accidentally falling asleep on the couch is somehow always the best sleep.

Just shared via X:

I miss when 1K was a lot of money.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

If you ghosted me, don’t come back. Maintain that energy, babe. Stay dead.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Do y’all ever get pre-annoyed? Like, you already know someone is about to piss you off.

Going viral on Telegram:

Never underestimate the healing power of having your bed to yourself.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Becoming an adult was the worst thing I’ve ever done.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Santa baby, slip some mental stability under the tree, for me.

Breaking via TikTok:

I have a sundress and no man to bend me over in it, sad day.

Breaking via TikTok:

Situationship where the situation is being madly in love with each other.

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