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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

In a massage chair at the mall just moaning really loud.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Once I find a dragon, y’all are toast.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Some people find it strange when you talk to your pet. I find conversations with some people much stranger.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Those security guards at the Samsung store are Guardians of the Galaxy.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Is it a good sign when your therapist keeps saying Ka-Ching?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

As a kid, I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult, I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

I put my music on shuffle then get mad when it doesn’t play the song I want.

Live now on Threads:

A moment of silence for those who hate us but can’t unfriend us because they’re afraid of not knowing what’s happening in our lives.

Making waves on Messenger:

We’re so close to “Let’s circle back next year” season, I can taste it.

Making waves on Threads:

Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I don’t push people away, I just do the Macarena.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Peeling a sweaty sports bra off counts as aerobic exercise, right?

Just shared via Threads:

Driving behind a salt truck on a snowy day is a Midwest police escort.

Going viral on Discord:

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.

I swear, if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about forgetfulness and sarcasm, featuring witty humor on memory lapses.

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Commentary:
Why invite anyone else when you can surprise yourself multiple times a day? 🎉🤔🙃

forgetfulness, humor, i, joke, memory, own, party, plan, planning, surprise, surprise party, swear, worse

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18 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

Village life is when you send two kids out to play and six kids come back hungry.

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

It used be called “talking to yourself” but the new term for it is “podcasting”.

77 shares on TikTok this month:

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

64 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t have a favourite person, but I do have a favourite cheese.

93 shares on Messenger this month:

Perhaps we should have further developed natural intelligence before venturing into artificial intelligence.

85 shares on Discord this month:

I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

76 shares on Messenger this month:

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

94 shares on Facebook this month:

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

There’s something so romantic about getting McDonald’s with a lover. Intimate perhaps.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Being called by your real name in a relationship kinda sounds like a divorce.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Do you also have teenagers whose styling motto is: freeze to death for coolness?

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Sorry I’m late, there was bubble wrap.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Guy inventing jogging: how can I suffer, but with music?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I love when I clean my whole apartment just to sit in it like a Victorian widow waiting for bad news.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I changed my Facebook name to “Benefits.” Now, when people add me, it says, “You are now friends with benefits.”

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via X:

January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

Trending via Slack:

Men are like dogs. They’re actually cute, but having my own would be too much work for me.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Men only have money the first month of dating, that’s recruitment budget, never confuse it with operational budget.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Your 20s should be spent nervously sitting on the edge of the bed with rigid posture.

Seen just now on Threads:

Somewhere there’s a girl ignoring 15 guys for a guy who gives her no attention.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

My mind is like someone dumped the entire junk drawer on a trampoline.

Making waves on Telegram:

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Not being able to teleport is a huge inconvenience for me.

Going viral on Threads:

I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

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Activity Log ✨

I swear, if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.

I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

When you’re using Grok, the A in Al just stands for Adolf.

After a vacation, I usually return to work with a fresh, reenergized hatred for my job.

Paw Patrol is just annoying. Exactly how long do dogs live again on average?

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Activity Log ✨

I swear, if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

When you’re using Grok, the A in Al just stands for Adolf.

After a vacation, I usually return to work with a fresh, reenergized hatred for my job.

Paw Patrol is just annoying. Exactly how long do dogs live again on average?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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