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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Biting your tongue while eating is a perfect example of how you can still screw up, even with decades of experience.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Every group chat has that one person who never replies, and it’s me.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

I started at the bottom, and it’s been downhill ever since.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

This meeting could have been an oil painting.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

There is no physical evidence to say that today is Tuesday, we all just have to trust that someone kept count since the first one ever.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

When my friends and I talk about sex, it’s never sexual. It feels scientific, almost.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Human stupidity exists because if everyone were smart, we’d have no one to laugh at on the internet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,319

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

America is like that TV show that’s been on for too long, and the writers don’t know what to do, so they just make anything happen.

Spotted on YouTube:

Want to know what someone is really like? Play Monopoly with them.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Never eat more than you can lift.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

One thing no one mentions about being an adult is how much time you debate with yourself over keeping a cardboard box because it’s a really good box.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

They should invent a weekend that goes by slowly.

Just shared via Reddit:

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

Making waves on Instagram:

Does your blood pump that way just for me?

Live now on Threads:

There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing beside you right now and you’d have no idea.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I didn’t believe in karma until I was scheduled to work at 6am on a holiday.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Sometimes being a woman is just trying to figure out if you’re hormonally sad, seasonally sad, or genuinely falling apart.

I talk a lot of shit for someone who turns every black shirt into an abstract deodorant mural.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your art skills are top tier, but only on your clothes! 🎨👕😂

abstract, abstract art, art, black, black shirt, deodorant, every, humor, i, lot, self-deprecation, shirt, shit, someone, talk

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Twitter is diarrhea of the mouth at its finest. Everyone is just going around vomiting whatever is in their brains.

0

4 weeks ago

around, brain, brains, diarrhea, everyone, going, humor, just, mouth, nonsense, place, talking, vomiting, whatever
When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

0

4 months ago

apparently, back, busy, communication, dating, day, every, humor, irony, likes, man, relationship, start, talk, works
The main reason I got divorced was cause I got married.

0

5 months ago

cause, divorce, got, humor, i, joke, main, marriage, married, reason, relationship
The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

0

2 months ago

birth, birth preparation, breathing, breathing exercise, child, course, exercise, humor, once, parenting, preparation, puberty
I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

0

5 months ago

cooking, food, humor, i, kitchen, needs, smoothie, spoon
I swear, one more minor inconvenience and I’m running away to join the circus.

0

2 months ago

away, circus, escape, humor, i, inconvenience, minor, running, running away, stress, swear

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

Your honor, I have a role to play as the black sheep of the family.

37 shares on Snapchat this month:

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

Olympic gymnast: does the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Announcer: Oh dear, that will be a point deduction.

28 shares on Discord this month:

I’m lacking vitamin c-ash.

93 shares on WeChat this month:

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

88 shares on Reddit this month:

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

Home is where you can say anything because nobody’s really listening, anyway.

23 shares on WeChat this month:

I’ve had 50 birthdays in a row without being arrested, which I’d say is an impressive streak!

66 shares on YouTube this month:

Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

56 shares on TikTok this month:

Broke my work phone. I can’t talk on it anymore. I should have done this a long time ago.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

If you start liking someone, just block them. Follow me for more relationship advice.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

This is the wrong generation for people with an old soul.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Messages are way funnier when you know how the person talks.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Should I be worried that buzzards circle me when I go for a run?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Wow, another wooden ball. Would it kill avocado makers to put a different toy in there?

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Nothing like a grandfather clock to remind you every hour that you’re still awake.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.”

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Just landed via X:

Everyone knows that Christmas is the celebration of the immaculate conception of Mariah Carey.

Going bananas on Discord:

Proposing at someone else’s wedding is out. Die at their funeral like a real man.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

There is always enough for the needy, there is never enough for the greedy.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

Trending via Snapchat:

I think there’s a size limit on engagement rings before they look tacky, to me.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode them bikes when we were younger.

Trending via Reddit:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

Spotted on Messenger:

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

Just shared via Twitch:

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I talk a lot of shit for someone who turns every black shirt into an abstract deodorant mural.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Twitter is diarrhea of the mouth at its finest. Everyone is just going around vomiting whatever is in their brains.

When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

The main reason I got divorced was cause I got married.

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

I swear, one more minor inconvenience and I’m running away to join the circus.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨