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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m really good at compromising as long as I get my way.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Shy with a mean resting face is a crazy combo.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Sex is like tacos. I wish I were having some now.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

It’s so peaceful when you have no interest in other people’s business.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

4,009

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

It’s funny how when you’re at work, “Go to hell” comes out as “No problem.”

Seen just now on Facebook:

I need a massage for my brain.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Putting a hot frying pan into a sink running with cold water makes me feel like a blacksmith.

Spotted on Instagram:

Don’t rub your happiness in people’s faces this Valentine’s Day. Let the couples enjoy themselves for once.

Making waves on Threads:

Some of you are out here driving like your turn signal’s free trial ended and you’re all out of blinks.

Just shared via Facebook:

After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

I was not meant to work a job; I was meant to lay down and ponder.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
"Living that 'Horizontal Philosophy Major' life! 🛌💭 #ProPonderer"

humor, i, job, lay, lay down, laziness, meant, ponder, relaxation, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.

1 month ago
again, am, capable, care, confidence, hair, humor, i, lovable, love, loving, personal, personal care, self-care, transformation
Damn, all this overthinking and I still be making dumb decisions.

1 month ago
choices, decision, decisions, dumb, dumb decision, frustration, humor, i, irony, life, life choices, making, overthinking, self-reflection, still
Welcome to your 40s: that “teenager”over there is actually 27.

2 months ago
40s, adulthood, age, humor, milestone, perception, teenager, welcome
I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

1 month ago
always, control, diarrhea, diarrhoea, English, humor, i, language, looks, lost, spelling, vowels, wordplay
Call your family now and ask them what the wifi password is, so they have time to find the little paper it’s written on before Thanksgiving.

1 month ago
ask, before, call, communication, family, holiday, humor, little, paper, password, preparation, Thanksgiving, time, wifi
I want a man to love me so bad his entire family thinks I did witchcraft on him.

2 months ago
bad, family, humor, i, love, magic, man, me, obsession, relationship, want, witchcraft

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

If you don’t laugh at my jokes then I will.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

A vibrator is amazing but it doesn’t call me “good girl” unfortunately.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Neighbors are fighting. Can I knock on the wall and ask them to speak up so I know whose side I’m on?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

I need a room full of mirrors, so I can be surrounded by losers.

Making waves on Discord:

When I’m in a good mood, I go to my blocked list and release one or two prisoners.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

Breaking via X:

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

Going viral on Instagram:

Learn from the mistakes of others, you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I was not meant to work a job; I was meant to lay down and ponder.

Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.

Damn, all this overthinking and I still be making dumb decisions.

Welcome to your 40s: that “teenager”over there is actually 27.

I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

Call your family now and ask them what the wifi password is, so they have time to find the little paper it’s written on before Thanksgiving.

I want a man to love me so bad his entire family thinks I did witchcraft on him.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

I’m growing a mullet so no one will want to hangout with me.

The show “How I Met Your Mother” was just a really long TED talk.

Patience is for beginners. I’d rather freak out straight away!

She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

If you’re happy and you know it, you’re clearly not paying enough attention.

Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Tensing up so the masseuse doesn’t win.

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not dying, it’s just Thursday.

Work from home is all fun and games until you lose grip on reality.

The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

If you ever go backpacking in the wilderness, be sure to wear corduroy pants, so you can start a fire if needed.

“How am I supposed to avoid Al when I’ve procrastinated on a paper?” With a night full of caffeine and nicotine like your forefathers, you babies.

It’s so foggy outside. Y’all gotta stop vaping.

People shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. Get out of the way.

I am dressing for the job I want. I want to be a sweatpants model.

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I was not meant to work a job; I was meant to lay down and ponder.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.

Damn, all this overthinking and I still be making dumb decisions.

Welcome to your 40s: that “teenager”over there is actually 27.

I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

Call your family now and ask them what the wifi password is, so they have time to find the little paper it’s written on before Thanksgiving.

I want a man to love me so bad his entire family thinks I did witchcraft on him.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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