I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

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Men love to show you a YouTube video. It is a sign of deep respect in their culture.

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The way that we’re constantly told not to eat silica gel makes me suspect that it contains all the world’s forbidden knowledge.

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People make the mistake of keeping aubergines in the fridge, when in fact they should be kept in the bin.

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People ask you, “are you crazy”, and then get scared when you answer, “yes”.

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I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

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It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

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You know you’re getting old when you’re entering your birth year online and you need to spin that thing like you’re on wheel of fortune.

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The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

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Breaking news is really breaking me.

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I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.