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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Me: I love you more than a flower loves the sun. Him: I love you more than a teenager loves his phone.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

When someone asks me if my twins are natural, I tell them no they’re robots.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Some people can start a task and then just finish it instead of trying to do a hundred things at once, like a squirrel on crack.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Saying “essentially” is a more sophisticated way of saying “basically.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Whether you rip off a bandaid quickly or slowly, I find it’s best to ask the wearer’s permission first.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

I always sit in the middle stall so I have a bathroom buddy.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

You can fake a smile, but you can’t fake jazz hands.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,580

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Today sucked so bad, I had to stop by the liquor store on my way to the bar.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

Making waves on Facebook:

I think you misunderstood – when I said, “Let me look into it,” that meant, “I don’t know exactly how to tell you no just yet.”

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My credit score is a family of raccoons hissing over a McRib.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Being complimented by a girl in public is like getting kissed by an angel.

Breaking via Discord:

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

Going viral on Discord:

If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Do y’all ever think about how, in Korean, you can’t scream over text because there’s no uppercase… I think about that all the time, for some reason.

Making waves on Instagram:

If I got possessed demonically, I wouldn’t even notice it. With everything else I’ve got going on.

I wish my Fitbit could track all the steps I’ve taken trying to find where I put it.

0
I wish my Fitbit could track all the steps I’ve taken trying to find where I put it.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the irony of trying to track down the device that's supposed to track your steps! 🕵️‍♂️🚶‍♂️ It's like a game of hide-and-seek with your Fitbit. Maybe it's trying to get some extra steps in without you knowing! 😉 #FitbitMystery

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

71 shares on Threads this month:

I was gonna get on the treadmill, but then the couch will get sad.

78 shares on WeChat this month:

Just got diagnosed with needing a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m a big believer in not going to work on your birthday!

74 shares on Instagram this month:

I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

56 shares on Snapchat this month:

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

97 shares on X this month:

I’m off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.

42 shares on YouTube this month:

Yogurts should come in a five-pack, not a four-pack, or make the workweek four days.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

So much anger in this small little body. I feel like a chihuahua.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The night terrors don’t scare me half as much as the day terrors.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I never had a year with this much thinking. I’ve been thinking since the 1st.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

An adult is a person who makes noise when they stand up.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My ex is somewhere telling his new girlfriend how bad I was, and she’s smiling, thinking she made it in life. Two idiots.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,238

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40’s: it’s ten years of people saying “wait until you’re 50”.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Maybe I died of Covid in 2020, and this is hell.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

If you’re not in my circle of trust, you’re probably in my triangle of suspicion or rhombus of doubt.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

My son loves Monty Python. My work here is done.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Yawning is the body’s way of telling you it has only 15% battery remaining.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Vatican City should be called Popenhagen.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

Just realized when I get a partner, that means my family is gonna know that I have feelings.

Spotted on Messenger:

The more I practice, the luckier I get.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Don’t ruin a good sundress by wearing panties.

Just landed via Discord:

Go outside and let the rain do what your boyfriend can’t.

Just shared via WeChat:

“Grey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Wanted to update everybody on my diet. I’ve decided it’s okay to be fat.

Spotted on TikTok:

May the hardest part of your day be getting the jeans over your butt.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Women don’t apologize. They sleep naked and let you decide whether you are still angry or not.

Going bananas on Slack:

Genuinely, why does the logo of every AI chatbot look like a butthole?

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