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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

I used to love going out with people. Now I weigh the pros and cons of human interaction, like it’s a business decision.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

I bet the guy who named the sperm whale wasn’t allowed to name things anymore after that.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

You know you’re over 50 when you have “upstairs Ibuprofen” and “downstairs Ibuprofen”.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

In case no one told you today. I’m beautiful.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Somehow I picked the worst possible decade to try to have a career.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Wife is temporary. Being the hot EX is forever.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,511

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

Apparently, if you leave your Tupperware cupboard unorganized for too long, they procreate, and extra lids appear out of nowhere.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Demi Lovato is short for demilitarized love potato.

Spotted on Twitch:

If we date and break up, you gotta unlearn all my lingo and cool shit that I taught you. You gotta go back to being lame.

Going viral on Slack:

“OMG I love your personality,” thanks, it’s a disorder.

Making waves on Instagram:

I only trust people who give off unemployable energy.

Trending via Pinterest:

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

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Commentary:
Your dog is probably thinking, "Why doesn't she just go with my classic 'no clothes' approach? Works every time!" 🐶👗😆

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I forgot to get milk, so Santa has a cup of Pepsi Max.

51 shares on Reddit this month:

Without the words ‘literally’ and ‘like,’ I am nothing.

94 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Not to brag, but I drove and found a place I was looking for without turning down my music today.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

God: “You’re all really bad at this.”

58 shares on Twitch this month:

Hell, yes, I work out. Somebody has to support the ibuprofen industry.

100 shares on Discord this month:

After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

35 shares on TikTok this month:

You’re all using your crystals wrong. Put them in a sock and start swinging.

72 shares on X this month:

I hate when kids scream in public. You don’t have real problems. It should be me screaming.

94 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Plot Twist: Your taxes cheated on you.

64 shares on Telegram this month:

White guys have a slur for other white guys they don’t respect, it’s called ‘buddy.’

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

“How would you describe yourself.” Me: I absolutely would not.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

“So if I had kids, my kids would never…” Spoiler: Yes, they would.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I wouldn’t walk 500 miles, and then walk 500 more.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Professor, set the time machine for right now. I’m trying to be more present.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want to “act young”. I just can’t be as “grown up” as others my age.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not religious, but if someone is turning water into wine, let’s take a second look.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone is gangster until they’re asked to reveal a “fun fact” about themself as part of a work event icebreaker.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

When you scream into your pillow, the memory foam never forgets.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,425

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Liking someone who likes you back is probably really good for your mental health.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

You want me to sit in the back seat? The thing that killed JFK?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Facebook:

Evenings after work finish too quickly, one meal, one show, and it’s already tomorrow morning.

Seen just now on X:

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

Seen just now on TikTok:

When you’re two beers in, and you realize she looks like God.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

“Are you getting your period?” God forbid I’m just evil.

Making waves on X:

If I was a Spice Girl I would be Mild to Medium Spice.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If you’re going to be weird, be confident about it.

Just shared via Reddit:

My age no longer permits me to suffer for love, so if you see me sad, it’s due to lack of money.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Showering at night is so sexy and clean and self-care vibes. Showering in the morning is so productivity core, cog in the machine core.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I have lived way too many lives for people to think they know everything about me.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Let’s lay on the couch together, play on our phones, and ignore each other, babe.

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