Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Introducing the 'Bruise Detective' app – for those moments when you wake up with a bruise and can't remember if you're a secret ninja or just clumsy 🕵️‍♂️💥 Mystery solved, one bruise at a time! #BruiseDetective"

app, bruise, came, health, humor, idea, invention, mystery, technology, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Not wearing glasses anymore, I’ve seen enough.

0

2 months ago

enough, glasses, humor, seeing, seen, vision
Maybe coffee is addicted to me?

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2 months ago

addicted, caffeine, coffee, humor, me
Yes, I do talk to myself, everyone else just wants to argue with me.

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2 months ago

argue, conversation, else, everyone, humor, i, introspection, just, me, myself, sarcasm, self, talk, wants, wit, yes
The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

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2 months ago

boss, Christmas, employee, even, humor, never, party, Pope, religion, workplace
This post is highly top-secret. You need to forget that you’ve seen it immediately.

0

2 months ago

confidentiality, forget, humor, joke, memory, need, post, secret, seen, top-secret
TVs are like, literally, the only thing that has gotten cheaper as I’ve gotten older.

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3 months ago

age, cheaper, comparison, cost, humor, literally, observation, older, only, price, technology, thing, TV, TVs

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on Threads this month:

British people be like “I’m Bri ish” cause they drank the “T”

96 shares on Slack this month:

Me: I have a cut under my fingernail. Universe: Excellent, I will send you an unusually high number of encounters with citrus fruit.

54 shares on Twitch this month:

The way people who are really into each other look moments before kissing is so hot. It’s like seeing a glimpse of cannibalism.

10 shares on Reddit this month:

People say “I would never,” then here they come nevering like they never nevered before.

29 shares on Snapchat this month:

One of the kids said, “Camping looks fun,” so tonight we’re watching The Revenant.

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

That’s kind of sexy of you to be a little weird.

84 shares on Threads this month:

That moment when you’ve gone through Insta, Facebook, X and the new emails and you know you should start working now. Luckily, there’s YouTube.

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

I love talkative cats. Like, yeah, bro. Meow, meow! You’re so right.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Winter is actually awesome because if you put on a couple of movies at 5 p.m., it’s already pitch black and the evening is super long, so it feels like you’re staying up til 2 a.m., but in reality, it’s only 11 p.m. 10/10!

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

I, unfortunately, was born without any interest in Avatar.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

People should come with warning labels.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Thunder is fake. It doesn’t even sync up properly with lightning. There’s some guy who waits till he sees lightning and then he presses the thunder button.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

At least I can say I tried. I didn’t try, but I can say I did.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

FOMO? No, I’ve got FOBI. Fear of being invited.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Twitch:

Never underestimate my ability to stare out a window and not speak for hours on a car ride.

Breaking via Instagram:

Either the tables are going to turn, or I’m going to flip them.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Never underestimate the healing power of a grilled cheese sandwich.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Don’t ever let your computer feel that you’re in a hurry, cause they’re gonna slow down more.

Breaking via Messenger:

If Monday were available for purchase at IKEA, it would be called “Fekking Hell”.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I don’t give people directions. What if no one wants them there?

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

According to the BMI chart, I am too short.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Book reviews be like: “5 stars. I’m sobbing. I’m unwell. I haven’t eaten in 16 hours. Highly recommend.”

Trending via WhatsApp:

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Idea: An app that tells you where that bruise came from.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Not wearing glasses anymore, I’ve seen enough.

Maybe coffee is addicted to me?

Yes, I do talk to myself, everyone else just wants to argue with me.

The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

This post is highly top-secret. You need to forget that you’ve seen it immediately.

TVs are like, literally, the only thing that has gotten cheaper as I’ve gotten older.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨