Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.
  • I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”
  • The first two drinks don’t count if you have social anxiety, they just turn you into a normal person.
  • “Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.
  • I forgot to take my meds so I’m looking forward to joining the squirrels in the tree to talk politics.
  • One night stands just make more sense for single people. Why would you need a night stand on both sides of the bed?