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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Hey bro, please stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

You should never forget where you came from. That’s probably where your keys are.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

He probably follows so many women because he believes in elevating their voices.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

My keys fell in the snow, and now they’re gone forever — time to start a new life under a new name in a warmer climate.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Sometimes a man’s purpose is to simply remind you again and again that you’d be just fine on your own.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Getting older just means that you have to start eating all the sad foods.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Spotify Wrapped: February was your basketball watermelon loudspeaker phone call hip hop moment.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Forget cheating, that’s young people’s shit. I’m ready to get married and have an affair.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,677

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Unfortunately, when you don’t burden people with your problems, they assume you don’t have any. Lol.

Going viral on Slack:

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

Spotted on Discord:

There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know.

Just landed via Slack:

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed their chest because of their belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Going viral on Messenger:

I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

Spotted on Messenger:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

69. Some might call it nasty. I call it a romantic dinner for 2.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.

Spotted on Reddit:

You unfollow me because you are afraid of falling in love with me. I know!

If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.

3 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Nailed it! Let's just hope he doesn't break out into a dance mid-build. 🚧🕺🔨

always, construction, hammer, humor, i, joke, left, phrase, pun, say, time, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Remember when we were young we wanted to stay up for New Year’s? Now we’re old and cursing because we’re staying up past 9:30 and our entire sleep routine is disturbed.

0

2 months ago

new, old, routine, sleep, young
Don’t think my brain is braining properly today.

0

2 months ago

brain, humor, mental, mental state, mood, properly, sarcasm, state, think, today
80% of Americans just want to put on sunglasses and say, ‘Let’s do this.’

0

3 months ago

American, Americans, attitude, confidence, humor, just, motivation, put, say, sunglasses, want
Maybe the clouds, trees, and flowers love looking at you too.

0

2 months ago

beauty, compliment, flowers, humor, looking, love, maybe, nature, outdoors, playful, positivity, too, trees
Kinda rude my neighbors live next to me.

0

2 months ago

context, humor, live, living, me, neighbor, neighbors, next, rude
Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

0

2 months ago

bedtime, cell, cell phone, distraction, every, hours, humor, i, night, phone, procrastination, ritual, six, small

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on X this month:

Lowkey wanna fall in love, but Monday to Friday is work, Saturday is laundry, Sunday is mental prep for Monday. The butterflies in my stomach are actually decomposing.

49 shares on X this month:

There’s no way you could go all the way through the desert on a horse with no name, you’d have named it by the end.

41 shares on Facebook this month:

Іf Empire Strikes Back isn’t a Christmas movie, then why is there so much snow in it?

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

15 shares on TikTok this month:

If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.

16 shares on Slack this month:

You’ll be having a good day and then someone your age says they’re buying a house.

85 shares on X this month:

My life is based on a true story.

26 shares on Twitch this month:

Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

98 shares on TikTok this month:

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

46 shares on TikTok this month:

Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this cigarette just now.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

There are two wolves inside me, but please no one tell my landlord.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

There are so many people going to hell. I’m thinking of investing in some property there.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

French fries are like the lifeboats on the Titanic. They never give you enough.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

The words I can’t wait to hear someday, “I’m sorry, Mom, you were right about everything.”

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Back in my day, we had to walk to the TV to change the channel. Uphill, both ways!

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

The Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Lost my Thesaurus. Gutted. Really gutted. Like absolutely gutted.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WeChat:

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Having children is a pyramid scheme.

Trending via Discord:

As long as I can dip something in something, I’m happy.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

Live now on Instagram:

I don’t know what i’m going to be for Halloween, so I’m probably just going to put in a tampon and go as a sexy kite.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Instead of those cute mini pizzas, they should invent gigantic ones that take four people to carry.

Going viral on Discord:

Parenthood is so crazy. We’re really out here getting bullied by the people we made.

Seen just now on Instagram:

It is not without reason that all telescopes searching for intelligent life are pointed away from Earth.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Remember when we were young we wanted to stay up for New Year’s? Now we’re old and cursing because we’re staying up past 9:30 and our entire sleep routine is disturbed.

Don’t think my brain is braining properly today.

80% of Americans just want to put on sunglasses and say, ‘Let’s do this.’

Maybe the clouds, trees, and flowers love looking at you too.

Kinda rude my neighbors live next to me.

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨