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Commentary:
Keith Richards is the ultimate survival guide! 💀🚬 If he can conquer the Marlboro marathon, we can handle a traffic jam. Let's rock on! 🎸😎

12, 1970s, 1980s, 80s, anything, humor, i, keith, Keith Richards, Marlboro, Marlboros, million, resilience, richards, smoking, survival, survive

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.

0

2 months ago

daily, daily routine, elbow, face, going, humor, hygiene, relatable, routine, sickening, washing, washing face, water
Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

0

2 months ago

advice, ask, cues, date, dating, dating advice, declarative, declarative statements, feel, fellas, humor, interrogation, lady, never, questions, social, social cues, statements, strong, sure
Oh, you’re extending your sale? Your Black Friday sale that ended on Tuesday? You’re extending it?

0

4 weeks ago

black, Black Friday, extension, Friday, humor, oh, sale, sarcasm, shopping, Tuesday
I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.

0

2 months ago

cheat, cheating, evasion, finance, humor, i, joke, money, pun, satire, sleeping, tax, tax evasion
You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

0

2 months ago

bad, guy, humor, idea, Lord of the Rings, ring, room, rule, speak
Hey, you wanna come to a wedding with me? You could be the groom.

0

2 months ago

date, groom, humor, humor quote, invitation, joke, me, social, wedding

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on Instagram this month:

I have more trips planned than I have money.

16 shares on Pinterest this month:

Ouija boards are like unannounced phone calls for ghosts.

66 shares on WeChat this month:

I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.

82 shares on Slack this month:

You ever want someone so bad it pisses you off a little.

42 shares on YouTube this month:

I can’t work under these festive conditions.

90 shares on Messenger this month:

Mental state: just googled “When will the sun explode.”

10 shares on Reddit this month:

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

52 shares on Slack this month:

Stop trying to be liked by everybody. You don’t even like everybody.

38 shares on Discord this month:

Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.

86 shares on Pinterest this month:

Why do chefs always have to cut everything so fast? It’s just an onion man, why don’t you relax?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

I’m starting to think that the secret to having a happy life is avoiding people.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

You’re way hotter in your forties and fifties than in your twenties. The glow up is in the grow up.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Aliens probably have group chats called Don’t Stop on Earth.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I’m out in public and I have to look down real quick to make sure I remembered to put on pants.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

As president, I will allow people to use the same password as before when changing their password.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

My dream car is a taco truck.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.

Going viral on Discord:

I sign all anniversary cards with ‘Way to commit to the bit!’

Making waves on Slack:

I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

Going viral on Telegram:

Why do people think it’s ok to ask why a person is single? I don’t ask why you’re unhappily married.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Getting married soon. Just need a spouse.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

The horror of being warned that the person you’re about to meet is “fine once you get to know them”.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

Live now on Reddit:

If I wore a mood ring, it would probably explode immediately.

Spotted on Telegram:

I love that the entire economy is just different types of scams now.

Making waves on Facebook:

I hate when people ask me: “Why are you so quiet?” Because I am. That’s how I function. I don’t ask others, “Why do you talk so much?” It’s rude.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.

Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

Oh, you’re extending your sale? Your Black Friday sale that ended on Tuesday? You’re extending it?

I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.

You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

Hey, you wanna come to a wedding with me? You could be the groom.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨