Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I have been nothing but creepy and aggressive to you. Please respond.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Source? It was revealed to me on my walk.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

This post is highly top-secret. You need to forget that you’ve seen it immediately.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

If you turn your phone off for 1 day, you’ll realize it’s still 2007 outside.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

I miss when you could touch a TV and feel its fur.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Does running actually get easier if you do it a lot, or is it that you just get more masochistic?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Not being able to see Likes on posts is a tragedy. Love it when two people are arguing and you can see all their little backup dancers.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,299

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

I’d rather be spotted in a strip club than a Subway.

Trending via TikTok:

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

Just shared via Twitch:

Unfollowing high school people really is a form of self-care.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

Trending via Snapchat:

Do you ever eat a properly salted meal and suddenly understand why the ancient Romans were willing to be paid in salt?

Making waves on Telegram:

If I was ever told to “dress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

Breaking via Threads:

Not pretty enough for Instagram, not funny enough for Twitter. Welcome to WhatsApp status.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

Just landed via X:

One of my biggest talents is taking hundreds of screenshots that I swear I’ll need, but I never look at them again.

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
I guess I need to "chat" more often if I want to fit into my skinny jeans! 😂🗣️🔥

calorie, consider, conversation, fitness, humor, ID, interaction, maybe, small, small talk, social, social interaction, talk

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

People don’t catch bullets with their teeth anymore, get out there and practice.

0

2 months ago

bullet, catch, challenge, humor, joke, people, practice, skill, teeth
Nothing tops a plain pizza.

0

2 months ago

food, humor, nothing, pizza, plain, plain pizza, simple, simple food
My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

0

2 months ago

again, beauty, hell, humor, husband, i, makeup, making, mistake, relationship, think, TikTok, tutorials
Why do you assume it’s invalid to “make stuff up” during an argument? It shows initiative and creativity.

0

2 months ago

argument, creativity, debate, humor, imagination, initiative, logic, shows, stuff
Uber drivers have secret access to a streaming service of exclusively the worst music you’ve ever heard.

0

2 weeks ago

access, bad, bad music, driver, drivers, ever, humor, joke, music, music taste, ride, ride share, secret, service, share, streaming, streaming service, taste, Uber, Uber driver, worst
I ordered one of those Tempura mattresses. Way too crunchy.

0

2 months ago

bed, crunchy, food, humor, i, joke, mattress, pun, sleep, Tempura, too

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on WeChat this month:

Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

57 shares on Reddit this month:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

71 shares on WeChat this month:

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

80 shares on Slack this month:

Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

12 shares on TikTok this month:

My boyfriend is mad at me because I keep replying with a fire extinguisher emoji to every girl that comments with a flame emoji on his pictures.

71 shares on Threads this month:

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

When physical labor became optional, we invented the gym. We’ll need the same thing for the mind.

67 shares on Slack this month:

Getting older is sexy. You moan more.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

“Are you sexually active?” Dude, I’m not even socially active.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Wait, some of you are actually seeing for free? No glasses, no contacts? Wow!

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here playing with my arm fat.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

There’s something fundamentally wrong with the way people interact with each other on LinkedIn.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

I drink so much coffee, people feel jittery when they see a picture of me.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

I remember when the only in-flight movie choices were either you watched or you didn’t.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

I’ve discovered I have a logic fetish, I just can’t stop coming to conclusions.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

When someone is in a Christmas eve panic, I always find that “well, maybe you should have thought of that sooner” is a helpful phrase.

Seen just now on TikTok:

If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Just had a fight with every item in my closet. They started it.

Shared recently on X:

There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude.

Live now on Discord:

My company promotes diversity. We’d never hire twins.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Twitter is fun. You kinda just talk to yourself and sometimes someone replies.

Spotted on WeChat:

Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

Just landed via Reddit:

Have we checked all food to see if exploding it makes it into something better or did we just stop with corn?

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

People don’t catch bullets with their teeth anymore, get out there and practice.

Nothing tops a plain pizza.

My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

Why do you assume it’s invalid to “make stuff up” during an argument? It shows initiative and creativity.

Uber drivers have secret access to a streaming service of exclusively the worst music you’ve ever heard.

I ordered one of those Tempura mattresses. Way too crunchy.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨