Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Been telling everyone, “It’s been a good year for horses.” No idea whether that’s true or not, but they keep nodding like it makes a lot of sense.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

People pass a joint around like it’s no big deal, but the minute I ask someone to do that with their Subway sandwich, I’m a weirdo.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

“I’m too young to be forgetting why I walked into a room.”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Sorry I can’t carpool to work. That’s the time I use to angry scream.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

If someone leaves your life, it’s often because the actor playing them is getting cancelled in the real world.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Be the one that gets asked to remove the hockey mask, during a conference call, on Friday the 13th.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

301 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,570

Funny Quotes Topics

17,628

Funny Quotes Images

15,570

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,350

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

AI could never steal company time the way I do.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

Just landed via TikTok:

If you turn your phone upside down, the stock market is actually doing quite well.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

Going bananas on Threads:

I changed my alarm clock sound to an applause, it’s the least I deserve for waking up at 7am.

Spotted on YouTube:

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

Just shared via YouTube:

Asking myself if that was too weird after I hit send.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Can’t wait to overuse the “My husband said,” “Let me phone my husband,” “I’ll ask my husband.”

Live now on Facebook:

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

If you can’t tell which family member is coming up the stairs by the speed and weight of their footsteps, are you even family?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like a family game of "Guess Who?" but with footsteps instead of faces! 👣😂

coming, even, family, footsteps, humor, member, relationship, speed, stairs, tell, weight

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

In my 20s: I’m gonna live forever! In my 40s: uh oh!

2 months ago

20s, 40s, aging, forever, humor, life, live, oh, optimism, reality, uh
Sorry for not keeping in touch. I literally have nothing to say.

2 months ago

apology, communication, honesty, humor, i, nothing, sarcasm, say, silence, social, sorry, touch, witty
They’re putting me through the penny flattening machine at the zoo.

2 months ago

activity, amusement, experience, flattening, humor, machine, me, penny, zoo
Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

2 months ago

absurdity, expectations, girl, girl math, humor, irony, knife, math, need, simplicity, spoons
Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

6 months ago

acceptance, ever, feel, guilt, guilty, guilty pleasure, humor, i, pleasure, self, self-acceptance, why
“Because my hair is not done” is a very valid reason to decline an outing.

4 months ago

care, decline, done, excuse, fashion, hair, humor, outing, personal, personal care, reason, refusal, socializing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

No, I won’t be attending your seance, I barely want to talk to the living.

17 shares on Facebook this month:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

69 shares on X this month:

Rehab is a great place to meet people that like Piña Coladas and getting caught in the rain.

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

81 shares on YouTube this month:

Cats spend two-thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.

11 shares on TikTok this month:

Every time I turn around, it’s Monday.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.

26 shares on Discord this month:

I love saying “sounds good” at work, and no shit be sounding good.

41 shares on TikTok this month:

I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.

44 shares on Slack this month:

Establish dominance by showing up with all your childhood trophies.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side. My legs for always supporting me. And my fingers because I can always count on them.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

I’m already cold. I know me and my low iron ain’t gonna survive winter.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

I don’t have a favourite person, but I do have a favourite cheese.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

The moon is literally dragging the oceans around, and you think your body shouldn’t feel it?

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Looking over both shoulders before googling “Chinese burger.”

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

I was once told that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Due to this, I’ve been observing a vow of silence since 1997.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I would rather walk barefoot across a carpet made out of Legos than go to my high school reunion.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Interpretive dance is the best way to answer stupid questions.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

I’ve never had a beer in the shower; I’m saving it for a very low moment in my life.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency notify”, I put “Doctor.”

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

“Life is a marathon, not a sprint.” Cool, I dislike both of those things.

Shared recently on X:

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

Live now on Discord:

I’ll see you in your nightmares.

Spotted on Discord:

A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

Just shared via Reddit:

It may sound crazy but some of us are nice without hidden agendas.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m dumb.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people… together.

Going viral on Facebook:

If a ham is allowed to spiral then so am I.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I know it’s true because the people on the internet said so.

Going bananas on Instagram:

My youngest started kindergarten today and I cried, but mostly for his teachers.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you can’t tell which family member is coming up the stairs by the speed and weight of their footsteps, are you even family?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

In my 20s: I’m gonna live forever! In my 40s: uh oh!

Sorry for not keeping in touch. I literally have nothing to say.

They’re putting me through the penny flattening machine at the zoo.

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

“Because my hair is not done” is a very valid reason to decline an outing.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨