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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

“My reading glasses would look good on your nightstand.” -Me, flirting.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Why would I work from home when I don’t even work from work?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Whenever I lose my faith in justice, I look at the high school beauties from back then today. Then I’m fine again.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

I’m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Bought a pair of night vision goggles so that I can easily find the fridge at night without waking my wife.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

My favorite emails are the ones that say your order has shipped.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

The spelling of “bourgeoisie” was intended as yet another means of oppression.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

If your name is “Guy”, you have lazy parents.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,722

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Welcome to Twitter, some random, judgmental stranger will be along shortly to complain about your tweets.

Going bananas on Messenger:

How you conduct yourself when using plastic wrap is the real you.

Trending via Snapchat:

Being weird never goes out of style.

Seen just now on Discord:

Life is pretty much just a series of awkward and embarrassing moments, separated by snacks.

Breaking via Slack:

When life gives you lemons maybe think to yourself, “that’s really quite remarkable given how far I live from a climate capable of growing citrus.”

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

Spotted on Instagram:

When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.

Live now on Pinterest:

The divorce process is easier than breaking up with your hair stylist.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My kids want to know what’s for dinner, like they’re going to be happy with the answer.

Trending via Snapchat:

The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

2 months ago

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Asking the real CEO of the house for approval… gotta love living on the edge 😂👰📊

boomerism, boss, communication, electric, feels, humor, man, marriage, married, married man, peak, phrase, run, say

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75 shares on Telegram this month:

Big fan of taking a huge bite and then nodding while I chew. You make an excellent point, food.

30 shares on Telegram this month:

Accessories can really boost a woman’s self-confidence. For example, I know I would feel 10x sexier if I carried a sword with me at all times.

32 shares on TikTok this month:

I slept like a baby, knowing I’m a burden to everyone around me.

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

The sexiest woman you know is trying to maintain her balance between insanity and genius.

66 shares on X this month:

It’s so hot, ice bears are opening lemonade stands.

97 shares on Discord this month:

Nobody declines a call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

62 shares on Discord this month:

I’ve reached a point in my life where if I can’t find parking, I’m just going to go home.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

59 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.

66 shares on WeChat this month:

Little do my friends know they’re healing me every time we hang out.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

You know you got a bad haircut when she insists on giving you a $10 discount.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Play the Grindr notification noise at Christmas dinner to see which conservative relatives panickedly check their phone ringer.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

What no one ever considers is that the kids are pretending to believe in Santa for the sake of the parents.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

I didn’t ghost you, I saved you from me.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Wish I could step out of my body and take my own damn pictures.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Losing jewelry is a different type of hurt.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

I’ve realized that some people don’t like me, but I’ve also realized that I don’t give a shit.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Tattoos: because being an adult is hard, and I deserve to have stickers.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

Just landed via Twitch:

Tried a smile yesterday and my white blood cells attacked it.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Womansplaining is when a woman tries to explain to you what you’re thinking/feeling, and is just totally 100% wrong.

Going bananas on Twitch:

I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Social media needs to crash for like a year so society can recalibrate.

Shared recently on Threads:

Sorry for zoning out, bro. It’s just, I’ve been having a bad day for several years.

Seen just now on Messenger:

If the office is always a little cold, you might be working for the lizard people.

Going viral on YouTube:

I’m at the age where unnecessary noise be pissing me off.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Dissecting an alien and getting bitterly jealous at their crazy organs.

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Activity Log ✨

“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

Oh, you’re extending your sale? Your Black Friday sale that ended on Tuesday? You’re extending it?

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

Whoever’s praying on my downfall, I appreciate you thinking of me.

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

In your 20s, there will be a cat, and it is very important to get that cat and spend so much money on it.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Oh, you’re extending your sale? Your Black Friday sale that ended on Tuesday? You’re extending it?

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

Whoever’s praying on my downfall, I appreciate you thinking of me.

If you see me out in public but we haven’t talked since high school, let’s keep it that way.

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

In your 20s, there will be a cat, and it is very important to get that cat and spend so much money on it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨