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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Haircuts should be covered by healthcare.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Life update: it’s getting worse.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

I don’t think fish should be allowed to eat other fish. I don’t know. Just seems weird. That’s like your coworker, dude.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

I don’t dress for women. I don’t dress for men. I dress for the weather, mainly.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,544

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

Just shared via Telegram:

They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Onion rings? I’m answering.

Spotted on Threads:

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

Going viral on Reddit:

Don’t believe in yourself, you can’t do it.

Shared recently on Messenger:

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Stretching isn’t enough. I need to be able to disassemble my body like Legos.

Going viral on Pinterest:

If I were lost and all I had was a compass, I would still be lost.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Your honor, when I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean in contempt.

Trending via Reddit:

Putting my Christmas tree up today. Big day for my cats.

I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs spa treatments when you can go full throwback! 🎉🍼 #OGGlow"

birthday, bit, body, embryonic, embryonic fluid, fluid, humor, humorous, i, joke, quirky, satire, traditionalist, unconventional

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The hottest thing a man can be is boring in his 30s.

0

2 months ago

30s, age, boring, hottest, hottest thing, humor, man, thing
Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

0

2 months ago

activity, age, forget, fun, fun activity, hangover, humor, Netflix, tequila, wake, wake up, where
I miss phone booths. We used to train our immune system in those things.

0

2 months ago

booth, health, humor, i, immune, immune system, miss, nostalgia, phone, phone booth, system, things, train, training, used
I feel like a large portion of my adult life has been looking for an adult to do my adulting.

0

5 months ago

adult, adult life, adulthood, adulting, feel, humor, i, large, life, life struggle, looking, portion, procrastination, responsibility, struggle
Men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help them carry all their audacity.

0

2 months ago

audacity, bigger, carry, fashion, fashion joke, gender, gender stereotype, help, humor, jeans, joke, men’s, men’s jeans, pocket, pocket size, pockets, size, stereotype
Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

0

2 months ago

chubby, contradictions, dynamics, eat, eating, family, family dynamics, food, guilt, humor, less, little, parents, say

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Me, waiting on an email: What the hell is taking so long, this is ridiculous. Me, sending an email: this can probably wait another three weeks or so.

91 shares on X this month:

Stress in private, complain on Twitter, happy in public.

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Miso soup is such a silly name, like “Yes, you so soup.”

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

66 shares on Snapchat this month:

A blind guy felt my face and said, “Wonderful.”

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

80 shares on Snapchat this month:

Why is experimental noise music always scary metallic noises and never fun sounds like people clapping and laughing and like bubbles and stuff?

28 shares on Facebook this month:

Instead of likes, we should get a little kiss.

65 shares on Twitch this month:

There hasn’t been a single person in human history that was remembered for spending their life working a 9-5 job.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Life is so exciting. I was in my bedroom and now I’m in the living room. Who knows where I’ll go next.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by saying they look tired.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

She said she liked animals but apparently all the fruit flies around my apartment was a “turn off”

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Mini skirts are so cute and fun, like, oops, my ass is out.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

At the club asking for Ibuprofen.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Toys R Us went out of business because their mascot was a stupid giraffe when it could’ve been a toy dinosaur called the Toysaurus. It was right there man.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

Spotted on Telegram:

Why do humans need jobs? Why can’t I just exist and make art and chill with my cat?

Shared recently on Messenger:

The goose: Canada’s most violent saxophone.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”

Going viral on X:

I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy, I can’t even close my suitcase.

Live now on Instagram:

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Saw the eye doctor, and that’s 90% of the vision test right there.

Just landed via Telegram:

I have been alive all my life, and have not once seen a Chinese food commercial.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

Trending via TikTok:

This entire year has been the Nightmare Before Christmas.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The hottest thing a man can be is boring in his 30s.

Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

I miss phone booths. We used to train our immune system in those things.

I feel like a large portion of my adult life has been looking for an adult to do my adulting.

Men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help them carry all their audacity.

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨