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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Some people’s high horses are actually donkeys.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

If I’m gonna jingle your bells, I’m definitely gonna jingle them all the way.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

I can’t sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Aliens traveled millions of light years to get here to visit New Jersey.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

My life would be pointless without cheese. Or as the famous song goes: “Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone!”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

I found out my husband was cheating on me at a Linkin Park concert. We tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it didn’t even matter.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

If you love me, please don’t ask me to go camping with you.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,427

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

Trending via Slack:

Why can’t Chinese restaurants chop the broccoli in their dishes? I feel like I’m trying to fit an entire bonsai tree into my mouth.

Trending via WeChat:

You’re confusing me with someone who cares what you think of me.

Going viral on X:

Can someone please help me, I’m still at the Fyre Festival.

Breaking via Messenger:

What’s a girl gotta do to feel a dopamine high around here?

Shared recently on Slack:

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

Trending via YouTube:

Spices were first brought to Western Europe in the Middle Ages. Some of them are still at the back of my cupboard.

Shared recently on Slack:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not having a midlife crisis, you’re just awake.

Going bananas on X:

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

Shared recently on WeChat:

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

I’m lazy and chubby. I love food, naps, and coffee. I don’t like Mondays, people, and exercise. I never thought I would grow up to be Garfield.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about embracing laziness, food, naps, and avoiding Mondays with humor.

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Commentary:
Who knew becoming a cartoon cat was so relatable? 🐱☕️🍕 #GarfieldGoals

adulting, cat, chubby, coffee, exercise, food, Garfield, grow, humor, i, lazy, love, Monday, nap, naps, never, people, thought

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Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on WeChat this month:

I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.

78 shares on X this month:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

51 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

31 shares on Messenger this month:

It took me 5 minutes to do something I’ve been stressing about for 6 months. I will learn nothing from this.

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

59 shares on Threads this month:

You can tell a group isn’t gonna make it big just by their name.

19 shares on Telegram this month:

Airlines be like: “Oh, wow. Oh, God. We didn’t think everyone would bring a bag!”

18 shares on Discord this month:

Imagine how organized the first person to write down a recipe must have been.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

69 shares on Telegram this month:

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

I can’t wait to hit my 80s & run for Congress.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Being completely ignored on Twitter is associated with higher IQ.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

She wanted me to impress her in the bedroom, so I showed her my organized sock drawer and my fresh matching bedding.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the less surprised I’d be if a random body part just fell off one day.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Who needs a weighted blanket when you’ve got the weight of the world?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

If I text you at 8:10, you’re supposed to reply at 8:09.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Co-worker: You look so unapproachable. Me: Yet, here you are.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Buying books and reading them are actually two entirely different hobbies.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Life hack: if you run out of treadmill space for your clothes, get a piano.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Smart people are like huskies. If you don’t give them an interesting problem, they become an interesting problem.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Donnie Darko was also ahead of its time because the guy’s haunted by a giant Labubu.

Making waves on Snapchat:

If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up, why doesn’t replacing cashiers with self-checkouts make prices go down?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Source? It was revealed to me on a walk.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

When you’re sad, find two equally sad friends and form a cryangle.

Live now on Slack:

Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

Shared recently on TikTok:

Be useless, so nobody can use you.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

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Activity Log ✨

I’m lazy and chubby. I love food, naps, and coffee. I don’t like Mondays, people, and exercise. I never thought I would grow up to be Garfield.

A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

(Flirting) What’s every single thing you’ve ever thought?

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m lazy and chubby. I love food, naps, and coffee. I don’t like Mondays, people, and exercise. I never thought I would grow up to be Garfield.

Keep the laugh going 😂

A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

(Flirting) What’s every single thing you’ve ever thought?

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨